The Hastings are Following Up That Hill

I want; I desire

2012-01-17T13:31:00.008-05:00

Sitting here and reflecting on my 5 beautiful children, and the honor and privilege I have at being "their mom", there are some things that I so desire and want for them.

Obviously the top priority is their salvation and ETERNAL life, and YES I am assured of that. All 5 of them!!!! I desire for them to be happy and healthy in life, to love what they do, and do what they love. To always feel loved by me, their dad, each other, and their future spouses. To always know their identity in Christ, and the person that God created them to be. (so glad I get to help them on this part of their journey). For them to see themselves and abilities the way God sees them. What CONFIDENCE they will hold with that!

For them to remain close and bonded with each other and their family. To be there for each other through the journey of life. To build on their own special relationships with each other, and then with each other's families. To be those FAVORITE Uncles and an Aunt. Of course, she will lovingly share her Aunt role with her brother's wives, and they will gladly accept her prince of a husband! For their children to be so close with each other and their cousins. Yes...just the way it should be!

So yeah, among all of the other things I "may want"....THIS IS THE BEST!!!

I LOVE YOU Brandon, Jordan, Seth, Jedidiah & Desi!

Cool

2012-01-16T13:41:00.002-05:00

Moments In Time ~ Photo's

2011-12-05T17:12:00.002-05:00

Hear The Sound ~ :-)

Stands to Reason

2011-11-25T16:11:00.003-05:00

I really miss Brandon EVERYDAY....but obviously it stands to reason that holidays, birthday's, ect......IT STINGS even more.

I am so Thankful for many things though. I'll write about them another day.

Adoption ~ HAPPY DAY!!!!!

2011-10-03T09:07:00.001-04:00

The song "Happy Day" by Jesus Culture is one of Desi & Jedidiah's FAVORITES! The LOVE to sing and dance to this....and I am certain that on 8/15/11 ADOPTION DAY, Brandon was singing and dancing with them! :-)

So MUCH!!!!

2011-08-17T13:07:00.000-04:00

WOW...half way into August and the days have been so busy! I feel like I hit the ground running every day. And it has been like that since the end of July. But aaaah...we are starting to slow down a little now (at least I am believing that).

The end of July took us from the fair straight into the busy days of August. On August 3rd, our 7th year of Brandon living in his eternal home waiting for us brought some emotions bubbling up a bit harder this year than in years past. BUT it is GOOD! We had a fun day at a drum corp show in West Chester, and it was so fun laughing and spending the day with some of my favorite guys. The "little"s stayed the night with my parents...and apparently they got started on a special project (more on that).

Then on 8/5...of all weeks to have to be at AI DuPont hospital, I had to take JD up for his post op appointment. And YES...that was very hard! BUT GOD!

8/9 was JD's actual appointment for the tubes to be placed in his ears. Steve prayed us through that, and just when I really thought I was going to "loose it"...the "silly juice" that they gave JD made him silly x's 10! We were laughing so hard at him we had tears running down our cheeks. So yes...even in that...BUT GOD!

Then the very next day on 8/10 I went away for the BEAUTIFUL ONE conference that my sweet husband blesses me with every year. I am so overjoyed to have a husband that shares my heart and the direction that God wants to lead us as a family. That he is able to take the time to be the one there for our children, and has learned how to do his little princess's hair! And I am so thankful for my mom that helped him out when things got a little hectic, and then they could all have a yummy dinner at her house! I am SURE Steve liked that as well! (smile)

And then my sweet husband and good friend Chuck (Laurie's husband, and Hannah's dad) had a most wonderful meal prepared for my friend Laurie, Hannah, and myself when we got home on Saturday evening! And THANKS to CHUCK...I found out my husband could cook A LOT more than SOUP! So you know what that means! haha.

And then there was Monday, 15, August 2011. The "Little's" are now a FOREVER part of our family. It was our ADOPTION DAY!!! It seems so surreal but yet purposed all at the same time. We have a new son...Jedidiah Joel Hastings, and daughter....Desi Michele Hastings. WOW...we truly know that Brandon had MORE THAN a vision for our family when this thought entered his heart and mind 8 years ago. And we fully believe that God surely let him see his new sister and brother. We are so amazed and humbled by all of God's faithfulness in our continual journey of life. As i sit her typing this, I am reminded that LOVE ALWAYS WINS!
Thank you God for LOVING US THIS MUCH!

Love,
Steve, Dawn, ^I^Brandon^I^, Jordan, Seth, Joel, & Desi Hastings

7 years

2011-08-03T12:37:00.011-04:00

Sometimes I can hardly believe that it is possible that 7 full years have passed since Brandon went HOME to wait for us...and surely he will have so much to show us when it is our day. There are many days that I can barely wait for that moment...the moment I get to wrap my arms around my sweet son, kiss him until he says..."okay mom" and see that beautiful smile that his brothers also share.

Even in my hard days I am so so soooo overjoyed and thankful and full of PRAISE that because of Jesus, our future with Brandon is longer than our past! I don't know if I will ever find all of the words that fill my heart with trying to explain the knowing of what my Saviour did for me & all of my family. First that I was even TRUSTED with the awesome job of being the mother of such wonderful Godly sons...Brandon, Jordan, Seth, & soon to be Jedidiah...and let us not forget the PRINCESS...Desi! Wow...God just loves me so much & that is so cool with me!

But that God also trusted me with this hard journey...I can't say that I like it or would have ever signed up for it....but if the only way that I could have ever been a part of Brandon's life was to knowingly sign up for this journey...I know I would have pushed people away to say ..."YES God...choose me"!

Our family is abundantly BLESSED....and I continue to push forward, press in, and BREATHE THE FAITHFULNESS OF GOD!!! With the excitement and anticipation of....ONE DAY!

So as we CELEBRATE BRANDON today...I will always encourage you...to smile, have fun, and seek the lover of your soul...JESUS!

It sure would be cool to see ya all there in Heaven with us! :-)

Blessings & Love
The Hastings
Steve, Dawn, Brandon, Jordan, Seth, Jedidiah, & Desi

Breathing God's Faithfulness

2011-08-01T13:52:00.005-04:00

Trying to get into that place of Peace.....to be honest...I DEFINITELY have a severe case of 7 year itch! I miss Brandon so very much. I know God is faithful, I know all is well & I do have joy, laughter, peace (most of the time)...and so much that I am thankful for...and great anticipation of our Adoption date on 8/15. But this moment...my heart is missing Brandon with every beat that it takes.

BUT...I will be okay :-)

It was FUN***

2011-07-06T14:37:00.015-04:00

Deep Breath ~ trying to breathe!

2011-06-21T19:23:00.010-04:00

I have so many good things to post and I am so truly thankful for...but today...well, that is just not what is swirling around fully in my mind. I definitely know that I am to bring ALL thoughts captive unto God...and boy am I trying, just wish it was easier for those emotions of my heart to get there when things are hard.

Yes I know that I can look back and see that in some hard times, it has been easy for me to change the emotions of my heart. But today is not one of those days. I promise a change though...just like I know the sun will rise in the east...God WILL show me the path, give me hope & courage...and I KNOW that he See's me...and then I can take a deep breath, exhale...and continue on.....
The Message (MSG)

Psalm 34:18 ~ The Message
If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath

A little less of that :-( and a LOT more of THIS

2011-03-21T16:47:00.009-04:00

Been in a "funk" lately....although it comes and goes from day to day...much like the "tide" from a post back in 2009. I am striving to count my blessings, to be a blessing to those that I love (especially my sweet patient husband Steve), and my children...Jordan, Seth, & the Little's. I want more than to be in a perpetual state of confusion, irritation, and sadness. And I know without doubt that not only does my Saviour intend for that to be my life...but Brandon would probably say..."get it together mom". And you know...it SHOULD be that easy! Thought I would be catching on by now. So not to end on the gloomy note....I am thankful for:

* My Husband of 23 years (March 26th)...I LOVE YOU HONEY!
* That I have the privilege to be the mother of Brandon, Jordan, & Seth
* That God saw to it that I was not done being a mommy...hence the Little's
* My ENTIRE family
* Christian friends that help pick me up.
* Music that fills my soul and feeds it
* Of course God's word and his promises that THIS is not it!
* Other friends to share this journey...and yes I hurt for them, but we are a support system!

In closing...I found out why God had me go back to my Bible from 7 years ago...it was to draw me close to a sweet friend who was such a inspiration to me for many years with the ups and downs with Brandon. Especially the summer of 2004. God knew then, that we would need each other now! I am asking all of you that "check on me"...to lift of this precious family from Texas.. The LOWES...their beautiful daughter Kyndall went home to be with her saviour on January 11th. I sure hope she and Brandon have had the chance to meet! The thought of that makes me smile...even on the hard days!

Passage Psalm 30:5: ~ The Message
The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.

Stretching...................

2011-01-28T13:16:00.004-05:00

So yeah, God has me stretching in area's that I wasn't quite prepared for. One is a little area that I had put away out of reach almost 7 years ago. That is my Bible. Yes I have used other's in these last 7 years....Brandon's mostly, but I sent that along for the ride to California with Jordan (how cool is that to think about), my "Serendipity Bible" that was a gift from my mom years ago, Steve's Bible, one of Brandon's other Bible's (the teenager's edition), and yes I even looked at purchasing a new one. BUT GOD....he always has these other plans...funny, he never thinks to ask me ahead of time (smile ~ sometimes). Anyway, since December I have been hearing the word "BALANCE" from him. So I have been striving to achieve that. And just when I thought I was making the slightest of progress....I heard him tell me to go back to MY BIBLE. It would seem that it would be no big deal, but in my heart it has been. You see this is a book so worn, and even torn with years of searching, seeking & believing. There are prayers written on those pages, dates of those prayers, and some dates of answered prayers. Inside there are drawings by Brandon, Jordan & Seth through the years...notes from them, from Steve and from other sweet people. There are questions to God on how I was to pray for Brandon, proclamations made by me of what I would pray over my family. Standing on promises and then there comes the words, thoughts, and desperate prayers during the summer months of 2004. And then when August 3, 2004 happened...I could not pick that Bible up again. I shoved it on a shelf...never to open again. Until now....

When I took that big breath, and opened it up I saw those same things (a time capsule), but God is also showing me that although my perspective was different then...he did in fact answer all my prayers, see all my notes, and is still working to the good of me...because I love him. I do not yet know why he has chosen "now" as the time for me to go back to using this Bible...but because he is faithful, and I TRUST...I know that it is for my utmost best. And I am fine with that.

New Year ~ New Adventures

2011-01-01T20:09:00.005-05:00

Hmmm....wondering what God has in store for our family for 2011. The last part of 2009 & all of 2010 brought about significant changes for all of us. The Little's arrived near the last part of 2009, they have now been a part of our family for 16 & a half months. Jordan is now living on the west coast and attending Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. Seth is a junior, driving, and just got elected into the National Honor Society, and is busy with swim season at this time. Steve is steady busy with work (thank you Jesus that construction has not slowed at all for the company he works for), and I have been trying to find "my place"....the place that I know that I maintain in our family....but mostly the place where God wants me.

I feel a big shift is about to happen yet again in our family & life.....as if the arrival of the Little's was not big enough. But this one involves more stretching, more trusting, and a willingness to take another HUGE leap of Faith...yes God is shifting us. And that is Good....so with a readiness to listen, learn, & obey, we wait with anticipation & excitement! Won't you come along!

~ It would be so cool if God would give us the "big picture"...one that Brandon no doubt is in on, and excited for the things of God for his family. I can just picture that smile! :-) After all....God knows the plans for our family...plans that include HOPE and a FUTURE...his book (Bible)says so!

Happy New Year & New Adventures to YOU!
LOVE,
Dawn & Family

Excitement !!!

2010-12-20T14:41:00.000-05:00

Jordan is home...Seth is 17 today, the littles are excited for Christmas and Jordan being home for a bit, Brandon is smiling I am sure, and I LOVE my husband & family....
This momma's heart is full ♥

Ready? Not yet!

2010-11-29T11:11:00.002-05:00

Getting ready....to get ready!

Be glad and REJOICE with me ~ Philippians 2:18

Counting the Days

2010-11-19T13:35:00.009-05:00

~ I ask for Prayers of SAFE TRAVEL for Jordan & his friend Brant as he is taking a road trip to San Luis Obispo for a couple of days, and then on to San Diego for Thanksgiving with Brant's family. May they have safety, fun, and that God show him AMAZING things!

Football Season has come to an end.

But this guy just got inducted into the NATIONAL HONOR SOCIETY! We are so very proud of Seth and how hard he worked to get to where he is. He is also such a fun person to hang out with...I LOVE being his mom!

And this guy will be home in less than a month for Christmas & lots of hugs & kisses from this very proud momma! So pretty soon, we will look like this again, except...picking him up from the airport!
Although...I hope the "Little's" are good in the airport this time....no running off from "little helper boy"...and that the "Princess" realizes that she MUST keep her clothes on!

Counting the days with a happy heart and knowing that this guy...is laughing and cheering us on all the way!

Day of Rememberance

2010-11-17T14:24:00.006-05:00

AI DuPont's "Day of Remembrance" was on Sunday, October 24th. This is the second year that we decided not to attend, but as always I did submit something on behalf of Brandon. The following is what was published in their Memory Booklet. I hope it speaks to your hearts, and honors Brandon in the way that we continually desire.

Love,
Steve, Dawn, Jordan, Seth & the Little's ~ I kind of think Brandon would say..."thanks mom" and then flash that smile!

We continue to see how Brandon Michael Wagamon Hastings legacy is still reaching lives and changing them today. We are so very proud to be the parents, and brothers of the ATMOSPHERE CHANGERS that are Brandon, Jordan & Seth!

Over these last six years since Brandon went to his “REAL HOME ~ HEAVEN”, God has used music to heal our hearts and continue to give us inspiration. Brandon lived his faith in a very big way, and we know that he surely heard…”Well done, my good and FAITHFUL servant”. Music was also a very big part of Brandon’s life, and we can only imagine what it must be like now. We look forward with excitement for that day! This song really speaks to our hearts, not only in Brandon’s legacy, but what we all have the opportunity to do….LEAVE A LEGACY.

We Love you Brandon, you are just that heartbeat away!
Love,
Dad, Mom, Jordan, & Seth

LEGACY ~ NICOLE NORDEMAN

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
And you could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the Who's Who's and So-and-So's
That used to be the best at such and such
It wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an "Atta boy" or "Atta girl"
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough?
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well-traveled, not well-read
Not well-to-do, or well-bred
Just want to hear instead
Well done, good and faithful one

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me

Supernatural Release PLEASE :-)

2010-10-05T09:42:00.006-04:00

So yeah...praying for some very SPECIFIC things, and some SUPERNATURAL RELEASE on things....so many that make my head swirl (and not like the ice cream, although that would be good). But I am hanging on that in the middle of this swirl...I can be comfortable...that GOD has got it all. He knows the end from the beginning...he has given me the authority to pull that end into the NOW..(thanks Laurie).

But in that swirl...I can also be soooo impatient (sure none of you have that problem). That is yet again, another area to give to God, let him still my soul & calm my thoughts....and just rest in his arms. Yeah...that's where I want to be!

You are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household ~ Ephesians 2:19

So that means if I am a member of God's household...he is my daddy....what he has, I have access to right! Yes & Amen to THAT!

Changes & More Of The Same

2010-09-27T13:07:00.009-04:00

The wrap up of summer ended with a fun camping trip to Chincoteague. It was so much fun spending time with family, seeing the wild ponies, eating roasted marshmallows, being outside...& just chillin!

Then it was the start of new seasons...Seth started his junior year in High School...yes I cried (I always do the first day)
Jordan left for California (cried too ~ but soooo happy for him), "helper boy" started Pre-K, and the "Princess" started with her toddler class.

As seasons change, it can be so hard for me to move into them. Both naturally, and the seasons of life. I am trying to enjoy each moment (thought I would have learned by now), and embrace the change. Expected and Unexpected. Trying to be STILL in the moment that God has me in. Trusting, pressing in, & like Brandon...NEVER GIVING UP. Sometimes I "get it"...most times, I don't. But non-the-less...I KNOW I am called to keep going, keep reaching for it, and always always always...Trusting and Loving the one who Loves me Most...after all...I am HIS FAVORITE! :-)

This SON!!!

2010-08-27T11:27:00.007-04:00

22 years ago today, God supremely blessed me with another wonderful son...JORDAN! He has always quite literally marched to the beat of his own drum, and we are so proud of that. He is so much fun to hang out with, and I am enjoying and soaking up these moments before he is off to his next adventure in California! I love that while he may be a little anxious...he hears God calling him, and is always willing for that "next adventure". He has had his ups and downs, and has had to deal with things that I never had to at his age. But through it all (the good and bad), he has survived, thrived, and desired to make and enjoy his life! Jordan, your dad & I love you so very much and we are so proud of you. And yes like I have told you...I am VERY JEALOUS of this new adventure in California...but then again...YOU are going to be able to impart into me what God is pouring out into you! Thank you so much for listening to that "still quiet voice of the one who loves your heart and soul". We are proud, Seth is proud, the Little's are proud, and Brandon is REJOICING with you!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! xxooxxooxxoo
And like your mama always reminds you....JORDAN, can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS him!

This Guy!!!

2010-08-23T10:26:00.004-04:00

I LOVE him so very much! I love how hard he works for our family, how he wisely budgets our money, how he desires to be the man God called him to be, how he "puts up with my moods", how he loves our children. But most of all today...how when I was in such a "twisted up" mood, and feeling angry....he listend and then said..."do you want me to pray for you". WOW! He changed my atmosphere immediately, and spoke JOY into my heart, and PEACE into my life! I LOVE YOU STEVE, and THANK YOU GOD for my TREASURE!

Following.....

2010-08-18T13:47:00.005-04:00

So why is my blog named... "The Hastings are Following Up That Hill"? Funny you should ask...(smile). Back before I even started to think about a "blog"...but was using Brandon's site as my emotional outlet, I heard a song from Bebo Norman titled..."Yes I Will". It struck such a chord in my head and heart (big thing when that happens) that I would listen to it over and over again. Worshipping, healing, and gleaning from the very words he was singing. So it was at that point, the name of my blog was born. I feel that it was so fitting on that day, and still today. And to be honest, I will still be following Jesus up any hill all the days of my life. I love you Jesus so much for making the way, and for holding my hand as we walk up that hill!

In the passion of Your sacrifice
I saw the prophecy fulfilled
The Healer of the world, the wounded Christ
I heard You say, come follow me
So I will, yes I will

Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
I will follow you
Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You Lord. Follow you, I will Yes I will

On the sacred path, You bled for us
Scorned and broken, up that hill
How terrible the cross, how glorious
I heard You say, come follow me
So I will, So I will, yes I will, yes I will
Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
I will follow you

Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You Lord. Follow you, I will Yes I will

Will I stumble in the darkness?
In my weakness, when I feel afraid
Hear me Jesus, Hear me Jesus, when I call Your name
Oh help me Lord, won't You help me Lord
Please help me Lord
Would you help me Lord

Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
I will follow you
Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You Lord. Follow you, I will

Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
I will follow you
Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You Lord. Follow you, I will
I will, I will, yes I will, yes I will

Help me Jesus, when I feel afraid

Beautiful!!!!

2010-08-11T11:20:00.002-04:00

Beautiful One Conference!!! ♥.....thank you to my Mighty Man of God Steve for taking on the business of our home, especially with the two littles, for honoring me with this time, and for learning to do a little girls hair! You are awesome & I LOVE LOVE LOVE You!
My family is good!

6 Years

2010-08-03T09:06:00.004-04:00

Oh I miss Brandon so very much....but my head knows that he is not at all missing out on the things of this world. I do however believe that he is waiting with great anticipation for "our day". Today as we
CELEBRATE BRANDON....I am praying for some specific hugs from God. Any and all that he will shower upon us. I am also praying for my heart to "know" the things my head does.

I would so love it if you let me know you were here and leave a sweet word (smile)

Just Pics....but would like prayer please...thank you!

2010-07-13T13:36:00.010-04:00

Brandon's Birthday!!!

2010-05-26T12:20:00.016-04:00

Brandon would be 25 today..BUT he is happy healed and abundantly well with his Saviour...and oh yeah...just waiting for us....I can just hear him say.."I told you I would see you in a little bit...come check this out"....aaaah, just a heartbeat away ♥

I wonder what days are like in Heaven....I would suppose it is a MASSIVE CELEBRATION and AWESOME WORSHIP at all times.

I long for that day, but I have also come to realize that I CAN have that here in the "waiting" also.

I believe that it is even more vital to remember that on those days that are so very hard. That this "veil between here and Heaven", is so very thin...and that if we just "press in" we can hear, feel, and smell Heaven, and most importantly feel the very presence and Love of the one who loves us most, and who knew what road we would be called to walk. I believe that God desires for us to just hold onto him so tightly that the "dark places" get pushed farther and farther away. But even in our "human condition"...he is still there holding us tightly, and for me...whispering..."come on...hang on just a little longer, I have so much for you to do, you are more than capable, and all is MORE than okay with your son. The son I gave you, and you him".I love when God whispers in my ear and touches my heart...especially the hard days. And I can always count on him to make himself so very real to me. Thank you God for giving me one of my precious children 25 years ago today....I know he is having fun, and making people laugh...and I will continue to press on, smile, and wait.

~ One of Brandon's FAVORITE Scriptures ~ Philippians 1:21
For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better

Today

2010-05-18T13:09:00.002-04:00

Jordan is home, for now, but back to Cali it will be :-), Seth is almost finished with school...YAAY SUMMER....Little Helper Boy is all better from raging ear infection...the Princess is 2 TODAY!!! Brandon is healed and happy in HEAVEN...waiting for us...And I LOVE MY HUSBAND...All is well in my heart and world TODAY!

STILL Walking By Faith

2010-04-29T09:42:00.004-04:00

Yep, still walking this journey of faith, grief, missing, loving, wishing, accepting, and always coming back to FAITH. This journey can be quite exhausting at times and then at other times...smooth sailing. Never did I ever think that was possible...(but then again...God created ME and created ME to be the mom to the children he gave me, and the husband I choose). I guess when those calm waters are flowing, it makes those trigger blind side moments sometimes hard to breathe through. But breathe, cry, gasp, and sob I do. And eventually after that rough ride....the calm waters return.

God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction
Psalm 23:1-3 ~ The Message

I absolutely know that the rest of my earthly life, it will be this way. How can it not? How would one just "move on" from this tear in the fabric of their life and family and NOT have it affect them? I mean sure...the fabric can be mended and stitched back together...but the evidence of the tear is always there. That is when I can also be thankful for these emotions that can be so up and down. God created them, and they serve a great purpose in our lives. Even when those emotions do not feel good, or make you feel like you just can't breathe. But this same heart and soul that has those hard emotions, also has wonderful happy FAITH FILLED emotions. Just the kind that I KNOW Brandon has everyday of his new life.

So while he is COMPLETELY there...I still walk towards that direction. And although there may be days that I am very close...I know that I won't truly be THERE until I get to my ETERNAL HOME with my SAVIOUR who made it all possible. The journey, the healing, the promise, and his LOVE! So I'll just keep walking, or swimming, or climbing...but always moving towards that direction! :-)

Thank you so much for creating, knowing and LOVING me God!
Love,
Dawn

Time for a PROPER UPDATE!!!

2010-04-13T14:06:00.005-04:00

But not today....:-(

soon though

and just because i like pictures

Sun

2010-03-16T14:06:00.003-04:00

It's OUT!

Blizzard...I'll take mine from Dairy Queen next time!

2010-02-12T14:17:00.010-05:00

Well....the 2 back to back Blizzards we have had have eased up on some of my "funk"...although there were many times during the cabin fever frenzy that my mind would take a walk down memory lane....sometimes that can be good, but a lot of times the good is followed by that intense longing. I would suppose that is the way God longs for us. Time, relationship, fellowship, our love.

When I think about it that way, it gives me a fresh breath and the shear full happiness that because of what God did for me through his son Jesus..I WILL see Brandon again one day. And he did the same for Steve, Jordan, Seth, Little Helper Boy & Little Mama....and all of the other family and friends I LOVE SO MUCH!

Thank you God for always being there to lift my eyes and wipe my tears.

:-( That's The Way I Feel

2010-02-02T14:01:00.001-05:00

sad...sick...sick of being sick...tired from being sad...worn out...do i have anything left?....uuuuuuuugh

Bliss

2009-12-30T13:30:00.004-05:00

My Baby's 16th Birthday!!!

2009-12-20T14:43:00.003-05:00

This boy is 16!!!! Time just keeps flying by, no matter how many times we try to slow it down. But each season is to be treasured, and I know the Seth will definelty TREASURE his DRIVER'S LICENSE!!!

Happy Birthday my sweet youngest son! WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

Mom, Dad, ^I^Brandon^I^, Jordan...& the 2 new little ones!

Am I still doing this?

2009-11-13T13:01:00.008-05:00

Still been "surfing this tide"...on and off. Some days are really fun, such as Homecoming, Hayrides, Apples with Carmel, Bonfires, Football games, visits from College, and all of the outdoor fall fun. And then there are those days, that it can be really hard to get "excited" about "surfing still".

Ah...but I keep pressing on towards the goal...I AM that work in progress, my life is, my marriage is, and the parent I am is. The two little ones continue to grow and thrive, and they definitely help with keeping us (me) moving. SMILE

Ending with a scripture:
...and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the god of my life. ~ Psalm 42:8

Beautiful ~ Makes me think of Brandon

Yummy!!!

Friends since babies!

Brothers

A Kiss from Momma of course!

The Tide

2009-10-13T16:12:00.004-04:00

These feelings that roll around are as predictable as the tides. I really need to learn to SURF through them!

I am MISSING BRANDON so very much. I was thinking the other day, that I would give most anything to change my life BACK to my old life(there are the obvious exceptions ~ Brandon NOT being sick,my Children/husband/family/friends/stability).

But I also realized that I would NEVER change what Brandon has now...as much as I wish things were different, I could not rob him of his eternal home and what he has now...just for my selfish (deserved) heart. So that brings me to ENDURING.
ENDURING the missing
ENDURING the longing
ENDURING the heartache
ENDURINGG the breathlessness at times
ENDURING the crying, sometimes so hard I can't breathe
ENDURING the loss
ENDURING what "might have been".

But in all that ENDURANCE, I realize that God has helped me to PERSEVERE...something that Brandon did everyday despite his circumstances or the way he was feeling. You see for him...PERSEVERANCE and DETERMINATION was a daily decision, and he did it from 5 years old to 19. That's 14 years of 365 days of ENDURANCE ~ PERSEVERANCE ~ DETERMINATION. I have really only had to do it for 5 years. I see I will always have a lot to learn from Brandon, and to do as he did...ENDURE, PERSEVERE, and to be DETERMINED while living out....I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!
Thank you for the lessons Brandon, Thank you GOD for letting me be his mother, as well as Jordan & Seth's!

Where did September go???

2009-10-02T12:12:00.008-04:00

What a busy month. Start of school...College, High School, Preschool, & Nursery School. From my 21 year old son, down to the new little 16 month old girlie. We've had football games, swim practices, drum line practices, Praise Band practices, appointments, BIRTHDAY PARTY for a special 4 YEAR OLD, 18th BIRTHDAY PARTY for my neice BROOKIE COOKIE, visits from my College son, Honor Roll Ceremony for Seth, and playing outside on the nice days while they last. WOW....can you see I'd really like to find that SUPER VITAMIN????

The adjustments have been going smoothly, we pretty much have a routine in place and it is working. However...a little "kink" in the routine when my back decided to go out! Never in my life have I had this happen, and never have I experienced something for so long a time that makes even the slightest of chores almost impossible. BUT, I have the most amazing helpful and wonderful husband! It made me appreciate him all over again. Seriously, single moms....don't know how they do it. And my mom was one for 7 years before she met my Stepfather...~YAAAY ERIC ~ THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING US A WONDERFUL STEPFATHER! So you single working mommas truly are SUPERWOMAN!!!

Well...that is just a brief update on our month. Busy, but good...God continues to heal our hearts, and we still get those little kisses and hugs from him, and I'd like to think from Brandon as well....definitely these two new little ones seemed to be "handpicked" by Brandon (SMILE).

~ Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near. Isaiah 55:6 NLT...the thing is....I found that the Lord is ALWAYS NEAR...he never leaves me!

2009-09-20T19:42:00.002-04:00

I know that I am on the road that God planned and purposed...but I am REALLY struggling emotionally and feeling like "am I doing this right"? I MISS BRANDON SO MUCH!!!

Adjusting well

2009-09-15T21:55:00.006-04:00

The little precious ones are adjusting well...so are we. I was surprised though that different "waves of emotions" rush over me in missing Brandon so much. I am so glad that these little ones are here but I have been blindsided at times by how fresh that pain is again. I know though that these little ones were placed here purposely, and it is also a little funny to think that in so many ways....if Brandon could have said..."OK God...my mom finally listened...can you give my family these 2 little ones that need them so much, and my family needs them too"....I can only imagine!

Thank you all for your continued prayers for them and for us!

More NEW STUFF

2009-08-28T19:53:00.000-04:00

Wow! What a busy month, starting with our "Celebrate Brandon Day", me away for 5 days at a Women's Conference....can I say AWESOME....God is sooooo good! AND now is the time I can finally share the next new thing God has for our family. This actually goes back to a dream & desire Brandon had for our family over 6 years ago. At the time, we just could not, then after he went HOME...I just couldn't imagine, but after God letting it being "put on hold" for a while, he started to bring it to us over the course of the last year and a half.

First little nudgings, and then finally the BIG NEON SIGN from God. Sooo Steve and I started to pray about it, talk to family about it, obviously talked to Jordan & Seth, and then decided as a family to "take the leap of FAITH"...whew...that is a lot to type.

But here it is......we now have 2 precious little ones living with us for a while. We have no idea how long, but we are taking this time to love them, nurture them, and fill them with the love of Jesus. They both will be ATMOSPHERE CHANGERS! We are also praying diligently for mom & dad to find the strength and ability to make their life better, and then be able to be the mommy & daddy that they are meant to be. I know you all will join in, in praying for this family (ours too) as well.

We are thanking God for this opportunity, and desire to hear..."Well done, my good and FAITHFUL servants".....we also have to smile to think that this is part of Brandon's dream...and perhaps he knew the 2 that would be sent into our home.

Love,
Steve, Dawn, ^i^Brandon^i^, Jordan, Seth, & those 2 little ones

...and in the night his song shall be with ME and my prayer unto the God of my life ~ Psalm 42:8

Jordan's BIRTHDAY!!!

2009-08-27T13:58:00.004-04:00

Today is Jordan's 21st Birthday! He was MY Birthday Gift all those years ago. WOW! How the time flies from when he was my sweet little blonde hair blue eyed baby. Now he is my sweet TALL blonde hair blue eyed MAN!

And this momma loves him soooooo much!

Trying to figure out some very important things

2009-08-25T10:18:00.001-04:00

Praying for clarity....to hear from God...know that I have, but really need to hear more...definitely do not want to steer my own ship...

a whole lot of mixed feelings are swirling.

Celebrate Brandon Day ~ 8/3/09

2009-08-11T13:58:00.014-04:00

Psalm 31:24:
Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up.
Expect God to get here soon.

We had a beautiful warm sunny summer day in Washington DC (my FAVORITE city) to Celebrate and remember our precious son and brother ~ Brandon. I have to admit...during the ride over, I really had to press through and fight off why's and keep my mind from going to a place that it did not need to be. And since God knows me so well, and loves me so much...he continued to shower me with his peace and love (smile). The entire day was very fun, and it was also so fun to feel "connected" to so many strangers in such a small area. It makes me wonder what Heaven will be like. Like I said before, I think my small piece of Heaven will be warm...just like I like it. And just like God has done since we started "CELEBRATE BRANDON DAY", God always shows up with little "kisses" and "laughs". To show that he sees us, he cares, and Brandon is exceedingly abundantly OKAY! And one day...we all will be where he is!
"Till I See Jesus and Brandon Face To Face" ~ WHAT A DAY THAT WILL BE!!!

5 Years

2009-08-03T00:44:00.003-04:00

Desperately seeking the face and presence of God. Really struggling right now, but I know that God is FAITHFUL, and that I don't ever want to let go, and I KNOW that he most definitely will NEVER LET GO! I know that God will show up in a very special way for our CELEBRATE BRANDON DAY. Looking forward to seeing what God has for us and our hearts :-)

Sometimes I just wish I could see and know more.

Sums it up

2009-07-29T15:29:00.003-04:00

Just when I think..."I can breathe, I'm doing good"....I have a day, very much like TODAY. I MISS BRANDON SOOOOOOOOO MUCH! Yep....I am HOMESICK for HIM!

Summer Weekend

2009-07-20T12:26:00.010-04:00

Friday, was just one of those favorite July days of mine....very warm and humid. My only thing with humid days (cause I won't complain) is my hair......becomes VERY curly and frizzy. But oh well....I will pay that price. (SMILE)

Friday night Steve and I had steamed shrimp and other goodies outside on the patio (I LOVE to eat outside), Seth was away as usual to his "other home" ~ friends....and Jordan and his friend Keith joined us for the yummy outside dinner. It was fun catching up with Keith, and the laughing and talking around the table is always fun.

.

Saturday...my kind of day again..although the humidity had subsided some, it was a perfect reading on the deck by the pool afternoon. AND the water in pool was just right! Later that night Steve, Seth, and my self joined my in-laws for a LOOOOOOONG...but FUN Shorebirds Baseball Game. Of course the stadium food, and fireworks (YOU KNOW I LOVE MY FIREWORKS) at the end were the best thing about the night along with good company. Another FUN summer night

Church on Sunday = AWESOME, 2 parties and hanging out with a lot of people I LOVE, and long into the evening visits outside. Summer is where my heart is.

It always has been, and at one time I thought that would be gone forever. Summer is my most FAVORITE time of the year, but is also falls into the most difficult time of our lives. 5 years ago during this time, we were desperately begging, praying, clinging, and hoping for the earthly life of our precious Brandon. I always felt like it was another cruel injustice that I had to have my son pass away during what was such a favorite time of mine and our family. But each year gets better, and God has continued to show up and heal our hearts. And I can say now....my son got to transition from his earthly home, onto his ETERNAL HOME and look upon the face of his Saviour...during our favorite time. He is just waiting for us now. Don't get me wrong....I still have "those days", and really wish things were different. But God, family & friends have helped us on this road that we continue to travel. And I can also say....my LOVE of Summer has been returned, and I really like to think that when it is my day, and Brandon and Jesus are there to meet me, SUMMER will be a little piece of MY Heaven, but with GOOD HAIR DAYS! :-o
THANK YOU GOD!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

Psalm 34:18 ~ The Message
If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath

New-ness

2009-07-13T14:36:00.000-04:00

siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I wish I could see just a little....wouldn't that be NICE!!!

2009-07-01T12:14:00.006-04:00

5 years ago today is the last time that I heard Brandon's precious voice....right before he was intubated for his "procedure"...he said..."I LOVE YOU MOM...I'll see you in a little bit", and then gave me a kiss.

Oh how I miss that voice, those kisses, the smiles, personality, and all that encompass Brandon. When my heart hurts like this, I wish God would let me see just a little glimpse into Heaven and see Brandon...but he knows me so well, that just one glimpse would never be enough. I will always want more.

Today is a one of those days of forcing myself to keep the ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE in front of my eyes and heart and keeping it from being clouded from this temporary perspective. Sometimes that is just so tiring...and other times...well, it's do-able. Just needed to "release" for a moment.

But I still PRAISE my God.....he is ever FAITHFUL.
He turned the sea into dry land; they went through the flood on foot; there did we rejoice in him ~ Psalm 66:6..........I PURPOSE TO REJOICE!

Getting Through

2009-06-30T12:42:00.007-04:00

Getting through these days can be tough sometimes. And others...well not so bad. As I said, I guess this will be a FOREVER thing. I mean, how can't it. One of my sons is in Heaven and not here. But...I know he is in a place that is exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ask or think...and that God's ways are higher than ours. But you get the picture at times.

But you know....I do have JOY, and I know that the JOY of the LORD is my STRENGTH...and God has been so faithful with many new adventures for us. He has continued to show his love through other people and through this next new adventure that he is taking our family on....I promise to reveal more when the time is right. But I can say that I am super excited...and I know and feel that Brandon will have a hand in this as well. I can just imagine the look on his face, and the words he would tell me, Steve, Jordan, & Seth. And then of course he would flash that beautiful smile. Oh how I miss him, but I PRAISE God for my life....would not trade it for anything in the world!

DAWN LOVES HER FAMILY!!!

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart,....Psalm 31:24

I LOVE this MAN!!!

2009-06-23T13:41:00.001-04:00

Hitting The Road

2009-06-17T13:06:00.005-04:00

We are gearing up to hit the road early tomorrow morning and head south for my sister Katie's Wedding! So Excited! Also, because the weather here has been lousy for almost 2 weeks straight of rain and only slight warm weather. Today feels like early April with rainy and cool temps. I am looking forward to the warmer weather. I think wedding day is supposed to be sunny and 90! Yaaay! So when we get back....there will be many wedding photo's and fun to post!

Leaving with a Scripture:

Genesis 2:24 ~ The Message

The Man said, "Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she
was made from Man." Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his
wife. They become one flesh.

Beautiful Day ~ Beautiful Night

2009-06-09T11:41:00.004-04:00

The sunshine and warm weather truly brought me "back to life" yesterday. The bright yellow sun, warm humid air, and the smells of pre-summer/late spring. Even the the fresh laundry on the clothes line brings me to life.

AND...Steve and I got to go for a quick motorcycle ride (those who know me...know I do not ride unless it is at least 80 degrees in the evening). After a very fun ride (tried to figure out how to take our photo silhouetted by the sun while riding, but decided I'd wait on that one), came home, made dinner AND cheesecake and had a relaxing dinner outside. SO FUN!

Then a quick trip to my sister's house to pick up some plants, and do a little visiting...back home, more laundry, a quick ping pong match in the garage between Seth-Jordan, Steve-Jordan, Steve-Josh. And then...10:30! Realizing how much fun could be had, and how much can be accomplished by turning off the tv...hmm...think that will be a new plan.

I LOVE SUMMER, life was just about perfect.....just about. But God is GOOD, and he LOVES ME!

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11 ~ The Message

Steve's Birthday!!!

2009-06-05T13:07:00.009-04:00

Today is my Sweetie's Birthday. We have been married for 21 years, and today will be the 22nd Birthday opportunity to make/or buy him a CHEESECAKE. Yes Steve loves his cheesecake...thing is, so do I, and so does Jordan...so really not sure who gets to savor more of it. The Birthday Boy, Jordan, or me! But we share. :-)

I am so happy that God strategically placed us together. That our path was known by him, and he had those paths connect. I can not imagine anyone else who I would want to ride this roller coaster of life with....even in the times that one or the other is wanting to "tip that roller coaster"...hey, we are both pretty headstrong!.

So I wish a very Happy Birthday to one of the LOVES OF MY LIFE!

DAWN LOVES STEVE ~ xxooxxooxxoo

Thank you God

2009-06-04T12:34:00.003-04:00

Last night Steve and I were at a meeting in Georgetown...surrounded by some new faces, and some friendly faces that we have had the privilege to meet over the last month (on the starts of this new adventure that God has for us). It was there in the midst of listening to the conversation, that I became so overwhelmed and flooded with memories (and they weren't memories that I like). I was really fighting hard to not cry, not to want to run out of the room, and to not want to have a big hissy fit...shocking I know...but I do have them ~ just ask Steve :-).

Anyway...because I couldn't do all of the above, I just started to pray. And God in his faithfulness calmed this anxious girls heart down, washed over me with his love, and then showed me those "special little signs" that are only from him. On the drive home, he continued to show me those things that are meant only for me. And then I was at PEACE again.

Thank you God for loving me so much, that even in a meeting...you see me, and want to heal me!

Brandon's Birthday

2009-05-26T13:13:00.010-04:00

Today is Brandon's Birthday. It is his 24th earthly Birthday, but his 5th Heavenly one. I am not quite sure why....but numbers along with the time really get me. I think back on the 5 years he has been gone, 5 birthdays have passed. It makes me think of him starting kindergarten. How at the time, those 5 years didn't seem so confusing with time flying by or screeching to an un-breathable halt. I wonder why that is. That everything is filtered through the "before" and "after".

I do know that Brandon would not want me to be in this small pit that I find myself in today. When he was here, he was all about living and having as much fun as his body would allow him. So if that is the way he was here....I know that he truly is in a place that is "exceedingly and abundantly above all that we could ask or think".

I PRAISE God that he chose me to be Brandon's momma. The one to be there to see his first breath and his last. The one who got to laugh with him, teach him, help him, raise him, and insure his eternity. Of course there were many others who got that privilege as well. And for that I am thankful too.

Happy Birthday Brandon ~ You and your brothers have made me the mom that God formed me to be!

Happy Momma

2009-05-20T14:03:00.004-04:00

Picked up Jordan yesterday morning from the airport...he is now back on the East Coast...for a while anyway. I look for him to head back out to Seattle when he is finished at U of D. Can't blame him....I LOVE that city AND....the Bible says that God has a hope a future for him, and that he knows his path! (SMILE). Seth is glad to have his brother home again :-)

We also surprised Jordan with 2 of his special friends...Jimmy & Kristin...they got up at EARLY O'CLOCK to head to philly with us...now that is being good friends!

Photo Tag Meme

2009-05-18T12:09:00.007-04:00

My "blogland" friend Karen who lives out near Jordan (only for a little bit longer though - Jordan will be heading back east soon) tagged me in a photo meme. This photo is the 4th photo in the 4th folder on my pc. It is during a "woodbadge ceremony" this past winter. My brother Allan presented my stepfather Eric his woodbadge. This is quite an honor! And oh yeah...both of them are Eagle Scouts. And Allan's son Zach is finalizing his Eagle project paperwork, and my son Seth is about to start his Eagle project. An added bit on this....my stepfather Eric was my brother Allan's scout leader back when Allan was 13...that is how my parents met. They dated 2 months and then got married!!! And have been married for 28 years now. He has been such a wonderful stepfather and grandfather....I LOVE him so much, and PRAISE GOD for him, and how he put up with 3 teenagers when he married my mom!

Now the rules are:
1) Go to the 4th folder in your computer where you store your pictures.
2) Pick the 4th picture in that folder.
3) Explain the picture.
4) Tag 4 people to do the same.
ENJOY!!!

I tag: Tonya,Susan,Carla,Heather

Ps ~ forgive me...I can not figure out how to directly link other blogs into my post..help anyone???? :-(

Happy Mother's Day!!!

2009-05-10T15:14:00.011-04:00

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom Stephanie, to my mother-in-law Louise, my stepmother Karen, and to my sister and sister in law's that are mommas...Susan & Kelly, Shawn & Sherry.

Also, a very special Mother's Day hug to all the mommas whose children are not physically here. Whether they be far across the country (like Jordan) or in Heaven waiting (like Brandon)...OR...and I am gonna put this "out there"...like my daughter, son, or sibling group (who is out there and has yet to join our family).

I have always only wanted to be a mom, and it is the most rewarding job that I have been so privileged and honored that God gave me and put the desire in my heart. And because of that....I know it's all God!

Hope you all enjoy your day special mommas!
Love,
Dawn

And still striving to be this Proverbs Woman!

Proverbs: 30-31
10 -31 A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing. She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises. She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking. She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor. She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks. Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers. She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise: "Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!" Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

BEAUTIFUL & FUN weekend

2009-04-27T11:53:00.023-04:00

There is just so much to be smiling about :-)!!!

First, Steve & I are praying intently on what is in this envelope, and about to jump in with both feet! God has confirmed so many times, that I think he may be wanting to say..."Dawn...just how many times do you want me to confirm this already "! But he is so gentle and so patient, and his timing is the correct timing! Yaaay for that!

Second...Steve & I had a personal "Sozo" ~ greek ~ restore, to make whole, heal. And WOW...God really did some MAJOR work on me! And showed me some things, and confirmed others (one had to do with the envelope), and he also just showed me just how much he loves me. And seriously....anyone and everyone who reads this...I WANT THAT FOR YOU & SO DOES GOD! :-)

More stuff....my neice Brooke had her senior prom...so of course you know what that means...LOTS of pictures! This is my Brookie Cookie, who by the way was also crowned PROM QUEEN!Cousins, Brooke & MY SETH!

Then while taking Seth to a friends (that boy never stays home) we got to take the Chevelle out and DRIVE IT FAST! Oh YEAH! So much FUN

And then the weekend was capped of on Sunday with AWESOME PRAISE & WORSHIP ~ that my Seth was playing the drums on, and then a wonderful Bridal Brunch for my sister Katie who is getting married in June. It was so much fun getting to spend time with all of my sisters (Susan,Katie, & Linda) family, and celebrate my sister Katie
(she was the flower girl at my wedding) I just love her so much

So all in all....GREAT weekend and GREAT weather...for those who know me, you know I LOVE LOVE LOVE the hot weather! :-O. And we are on the countdown for when Jordan comes home from Seattle...just about 5 weeks!

Happy Daughter of the KING, Happy Mom, Happy Aunt, Happy Sister, Happy Wife = HAPPY LIFE

Disney Part 2 ~ Downtown Disney Concert

2009-04-24T12:52:00.012-04:00

This was such a fun day watching the band perform in Downtown Disney...and then it was off again to go have more F U N at the parks!

Getting ready to go to Downtown Disney...don't they look SHARP!!!
"Playing Music"
Seth "CONCENTRATING"...he looks a lot like Brandon here :-)
The 3 Peas In A Pod...Seth, Hannah, & David
My Brookie Cookie "CONCENTRATING"

Seth & his buddy Hannah (Andrew in the background)
Seth having fun
Seth & His Cousin Brooke

Promise of the Progress

2009-04-09T15:42:00.016-04:00

See this beautiful Castle.

Well right about 5 mins after this, and about 20 mins before the pretty fireworks went off... the REAL fireworks of Steve & Dawn occurred!
And they weren't pretty. What started out as an innocent comment of "Dawn...your in the middle of the street", and me saying "okay" (moving over just a little, while fidgeting with my camera = distraction), then the 3rd time of innocent "Dawn your still in the street" and my reply.....turned into what Steve heard...

DING DING DING....in this corner weighing in at ###lbs is Steve Hastings, patient husband, but now irritated. And this is what I (Dawn) heard......."It's ON NOW"! So, because we were in Florida, and no one I knew was around, I really didn't care if we were standing in the middle of Disney World arguing. And in my furious state..I declared that I was leaving and heading back to the resort.....

CYA ~ BYE!

In my very fast moving pace of hustling to get to the exits, I heard the fireworks (one of my most favorite things to watch) going off, and lot's of oohs and aaahs, all the while thinking of how mad I was and I was actually so mad and I am at the

"HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH"

. Oh the irony of it!

Ya still with me? Now I am out on the bus platform, REFUSING to watch the fireworks (cause you know..it's all Steve's fault), and I realize I am at the wrong place(God was way ahead of me on this, or should I say I had gotten WAY ahead of him). So with an ever so polite voice and tone I ask someone..."Could you please tell me where I need to go to get back to my resort"? So after I get the needed info, I am still walking in my angry mode, and trying to hurry and get where I needed to be, and as I am about to board the correct bus...who do I see??? UUUUUUGH! Sure enough, there was Steve (he didn't look so happy either). So with an open seat next to him, I plopped down and we both sat in angry silence, while leaving "THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH".

Well, this is when I actually had the opportunity to hear God... "Dawn, you need to let this go and make things right"...."No God...it's all his fault that I didn't get to see the fireworks". You know how one sided that is not, right?...... Well so does God, and he just never lets up. So while working on me, he was also working on Steve. By the time we got back to the resort and got off the bus, we had purposed to "be okay", and not let 10 mins of ugliness ruin an entire day of so much F U N together. I PRAISE God that he never gives up or lets in, and that I have a husband that will listen to God speaking to his heart also. I PRAISE God that my heart is not so hard (even when I try to be hard) that his way, his love, and his words can still make their way in. So you see....we are still a work in progress. But I will always thank God for the PROMISE of the PROGRESS! And that what God wants for our marriage everyday is to be one of "THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH"

Ending with this scripture that really puts this situation into perspective for me!

I refresh the humble and give new courage to those with repentant hearts. Isaiah 57:15 NLT
Love,
Dawn

Where I've Been

2009-04-09T15:41:00.002-04:00

Been tired, been sick, been in a "funk", been busy! That about sums it up!

Disney & Epcot Fun Photo's ~ Part 1

2009-03-31T12:46:00.015-04:00

Waiting to leave at EARLY O'CLOCK from a COLD Philadelphia!!!
Friends
Seth & Jordan waiting to head to the parks from the airport in Orlando
Getting Cozy waiting for the Epcot Show :-)
Epcot Fireworks Show!!!
Seth Patiently waiting to go backstage to get ready to march
Here Comes our Band!
Seth Marching
Jordan ~ Percussion Staff
Gotta Love It's A Small World! Thanks Steve for ENDURING it ALWAYS!
Disney's Electric Light Parade ~ BEAUTIFUL!
LOVE THIS HOUSE!!!

Busy

2009-03-28T13:17:00.004-04:00

This has been a whirlwind week with Jordan. But we had so much FUN in Florida! Steve will be one tired boy along with Jordan by the time Monday rolls around. Jordan flies back to Seattle today, so he will have one day to recover before classes again on Monday, and Steve has been on a Men's Ministry Team since Thursday. He will go back to work after being off all week, and being in between here and Florida! But it all is good, and most definitely worth it!

I am sad to see Jordan leave again, but he is anxious to get back and finish out the year, and then be home again by June. So really...not too much longer. These next two months will probably fly by.

This time of year also leads up to all of those memories 5 years ago preparing for Brandon's transplant, and then how our summer was and ended. I so do not want to get "caught" in grief, and miss out on the good stuff during what is my most favorite season. I also want to continue to seek God in all things, I know that he has never left me, and I am still so grateful that this is my life. But God knows that there is that one thing I would change....but I firmly believe that Brandon would want nothing changed. He is just that heartbeat away, waiting for us.

Everyone have a great weekend. Maybe after all this busyness, I will post some Disney photo's......maybe.

Jordan is almost HOME!!!

2009-03-18T12:22:00.001-04:00

My baby is on his way..........he is in the air over our beautful country, and soon to be back in his momma's arms!!!!!!!

Thank you again God for my family! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

Roller Coaster ~ What's your ride?

2009-03-12T13:24:00.006-04:00

That pretty much sums up the feelings that go on in this life of mine. Although it is a life I LOVE so much......there are the obvious that I would change.....BRANDON HERE instead of waiting for us in Heaven, more consistency in my life, more discipline with my precious time with God (I LOVE him so much for his Patience with me), and to ALWAYS keep that ETERNAL VIEW!

But even with all that said...I still have no real regrets. There are many people I can thank for that. First my Sweet husband Steve....I thank him that I have never had to work full time. That we were always in agreement with me being home with the kids. And all of those memories of them are so priceless. Especially in the here and now. 100 years would have never been enough with Brandon here on this earth, but the times we did have are irreplaceable! And being with Jordan and Seth still is so special to me. Even though they are at an age where they don't "need" me so much, but I'd like to think that they "want" me there (smile). And my mom for teaching me just how to LOVE my children, my sister for being my BEST friend, and my brother for letting me work for him but still be "bossy" with him (laugh), and all of my family and friends for always being there for me!

Emotions are so funny and perplexing....I have been in a struggle in the past few days. A little bit like one of the lyrics in that first song on my playlist that I can DEFINITELY relate to at times........"I have no fear of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work". I have been missing Brandon, missing Jordan, and missing the "young" Seth. Missing all 3 of their baby times. Realizing that unless it is a vacation or summer break...Jordan will no longer really live full time with us. That can make me cry, even though I am so proud of him and know that this is a normal step. But still, it makes my heart sad.

And then there is today.....I am full of anticipation. Excitement for what is to come in my life. SUPER EXCITED that on the 18th we will be picking up Jordan from the airport and then head to Disney. I so can't wait to HUG & BUG him (smile)! Eager anticipation on what God has in store for me individually, for me and Steve together, and for his plans and purposes in my children's lives. I am so glad that God is LARGE and IN CHARGE......that he gave me my family, that he knows me from the inside out, that he knows the end from the beginning, and that through it all......HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME!

I LOVE YOU GOD!

Sign HERE!

2009-02-20T16:20:00.002-05:00

Oh yeah......SERIOUSLY.........PUUULEEEEEEEEEEEEEZEEEE,

if ya stop by, say a "Hello"! I'd really rather love that! And who knows....God just might be using YOU to MAKE MY DAY!

Love!

: -)

2009-02-20T16:16:00.002-05:00

Get to see Jordan in just under 4 weeks!!! Yaaay for that, and then we are all heading south..........Florida that is, Disney & FUN!!!

Can't WAIT!!!

Let's Try This.

2009-02-11T17:00:00.001-05:00

I just LOVE LOVE LOVE this view.......I check this daily, along with a live view from the Seattle Space Needle. It makes me feel close to Jordan. And as I mentioned before.......I absolutely ADORE this Mountain!!!!

So Stunning!

I still have not figured out how to get a photo IN MY POST, instead of above it! Any helpful suggestions would be welcomed!!!!

So I got it right....sort of, kind of...

2009-02-05T15:46:00.003-05:00

This goes with my post from last week (Getting Off My Chest).

Well Steve has been sick for going on day #4 now. Earlier this morning as I was going about my morning duties, I was getting annoyed, and "short" with Steve. After I left the house, I then became just plain mad (after all - how dare he really be sick). After getting to work, calming down, taking time to pray and just listen...I took notice on God's gentle nudging. Soooooo, picked up the phone and called home. BUT because I was still in that fleshly battle, I asked a few questions and then hung up! "Dawn...you are MISSING IT....this is NOT the reason for your call, now settle down and GET IT RIGHT".
So, I turned right around, picked up the phone, took a deep breath and asked Steve to forgive me for not using loving words or tone, and could I pray for him. As most always, he immediately forgave me, and we had a wonderful opportunity for prayer.

AND.....I didn't have to let the whole day go by on a bad mood, and Steve could then just rest comfortably at home and "soak in the Lord's presence" without hard feelings.

Thank you God for never giving up on me, and for helping me to "GET IT RIGHT" early!

So getting better....a little

2009-02-03T12:10:00.004-05:00

Found this song (the first one on my playlist)...that I really LOVE! Still in the midst of one of those days, but God is always FAITHFUL! He loves me that much! I hope that does not sound conceited, but God tells us that & he proved that to us through Jesus. We all need to GRAB HOLD and accept that. And you know....just in typing this, well....feeling still a little better. The JOY of the LORD is MY STRENGTH & SONG! I LOVE my life!

~ On another, still not ready to share note....Steve & I are still intently praying on something that God spoke to my heart about this time last year. Just waiting for God to move in this, and to always direct us! I am just trying NOT to be inpatient, and for those of you who know me...you know that can be hard!

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

2009-02-02T19:31:00.001-05:00

REALLY missing Brandon & Jordan. I can at least text and talk to Jordan, really wish Heaven had cell service. Just feeling down, but I know it's only temporary. PRAISE GOD!

Isn't That Just Like God!!!

2009-01-26T14:45:00.004-05:00

Church was................AWESOME!!!! I LOVE that I can still be just utterly shocked, speechless (yeah I know...hard to imagine), THANKFUL, VERY FILLED, humbled, honored, & "like really"? that God actually SPEAKS to ME! Little ole' me! And there is nothing that I can "achieve" to do, but just simply have an open, willing, & seeking heart. How simple, or so it should be!

God makes it just that simple, but our own "stuff" can make it so much harder than what it should be. But because God knows me so well (I am fearfully & wonderfully made ya know) he knows what will actually prompt and speak to my heart, and when I get into that RIGHT place....WATCH OUT! He will ALWAYS have something to tell me that I REALLY need to hear.

And you know what....that is available to EVERYONE! God is just waiting for you, he's right there...now listen!
Have a BEAUTIFUL day!

Getting it off my chest

2009-01-22T10:17:00.003-05:00

Why is it when a "little tiff" occurs between you and your "loving" husband...it is so much easier to just jump in with both feet and say to yourself ..."oh it's on now"! Speaking for myself of course, cause I just know that all of you other fine Christian ladies never experience this.

And then, when silence enters (because you are just too mad to talk to each other), is usually when I realize that I have let the enemy get a foothold. Uuuuugh! I just hate that! Every morning I say to my self.."Dawn...this is the day, that you really are going to be that Proverbs Woman. You are going to be that sweet spirit in tone and attitude in your home. You will be the loving helpmate that your hard working Godly patient (and boy is he) husband deserves". Some days I actually achieve that..and how wonderful those days are. But yesterday was not one of them.

Even in the gentle reminders from the Lord.....my stubbornness still had a "stronghold" over me. And then when I saw said sweet, patient, Godly husband asleep in the living room (cause you know he didn't want to deal with me)...I sent him a text, knowing that he would get it in the morning when he turned on his work phone.

So yaaay for technology, but it would have made things so much more pleasant if it had come from my mouth (even though it was still from my heart). So as you see........I still got A LOT of work to do. And Steve would probably say..."please pray, for my sometimes very extremely emotional, all over the place, makin' no sense wife" (who loves him dearly)!

I will strive to be that Proverbs Woman today!!! Cause that is what God created me for!

LOVE THIS SONG!!!

2009-01-20T12:38:00.004-05:00

I am just PRAISING my God for how he knows what music does for my heart, soul, spirit, & mood!!! Even in my darkest of days, God is always there with that gentle reminder to keep breathing, keep moving, & yes keep singing!

I LOVE YOU GOD!!!

A Little Of What We Have Been Up To.....

2009-01-15T12:35:00.003-05:00

Since I still have not mastered on how to get a slide show posted (anyone have any advice they can offer)...the above is some of what we have been busy with.

This was a meet from last week, and today's meet is in our town's BRAND NEW POOL!!! YAAAY! We have been waiting so long. Back when Brandon was a freshman, we were hearing that we would soon have our own pool. In 2003 when he graduated ~ no pool. And still no pool when Jordan graduated in 2006. So finally Seth as a freshman gets to benefit from all of the hard work the community did to make it happen. It is such a beautiful facility.

Wish Seth a good swim...........GO MILFORD!!!

Like I said.........soon

2009-01-14T13:41:00.003-05:00

Still trying to find the time to really sit down and update, and get some photo's on here. It's amazing, how each day I say..."this will be the day I do a real update"...and then I have no time!!!

But hopefully tonight. We shall see....

Soon???

2009-01-06T21:04:00.001-05:00

A real update is coming soon....time o' time and TIRED!!!

Oh Yeah!!!

2008-12-19T09:27:00.004-05:00

Okay...so less than 24hrs, I get to see my precious sweet middle son!!! All the way from snowy Washington. Seth was a little more than irritated that Jordan has had 2 school snow days this week. Our weather here in Delaware has been crazy...cold, warm, balmy, rainy, damp, just plain YUCKY, sunny, and now rainy again! Oh a wish for snow....too bad Jordan can't bring any with him.

I am asking for safe travel prayers...and no airport delays, but well...we will just deal with that. He is flying out of SeaTac tonight @ 10:40, arriving in Detroit in the morning, and then going from there to Philly....so if you have been watching the news lately, you know "that the weather out there is frightening" (that song is stuck in your head now isn't it...heehee). Anyway, we are just so super excited to get to tomorrow morning at the airport.

And today, guess what....Steve and I are starting and finishing our Christmas shopping! Yeah, we are those people, but it works out well, because we make lists, have fun (which of course means some "ground rules" before hand) and just spend the day together. His big job (other than he is the $ man) is when he sees me getting stressed...the 4 Magic words MUST be spoken with kindness and love...."It will be okay". Works every time on this hyper girl!

I have some Thanksgiving photo's that I'll try to upload tonight. Some of them quite interesting :-O

Have a great day everyone!

Counting Down

2008-12-12T14:39:00.003-05:00

Jordan leaves Washington for home....one week from today!!! I can not wait to wrap my arms around him, kiss those cheeks, and hear him breathe!!!

Have a good weekend! And yeah....if you stop by....Please say hello!

Thanksgiving

2008-12-04T11:21:00.003-05:00

We had a very fun and different Thanksgiving this year. We went camping (you know...the modern Pilgrim way) down near Williamsburg. It was such a fun and relaxing time. I am so glad that we went, perhaps a new tradition??? Seth had a lot of fun, even though he was the only kid. We did our traditional Black Friday Movie. And then on Saturday, we toured historic Yorktown and the Jamestown Settlement. Man O Man am I glad I live NOW. It was cold and damp that day, and I just can not imagine!!!

Also, Seth figured out that modern day conveniences are just way too nice. And yeah...I am a modern day girl myself!!! Brandon and Jordan would have loved the trip too, and of course we thought about them a lot. Jordan actually had a nice long weekend at my sister-in-law Shawn's house. So he had a good Thanksgiving with family. And well, I can only imagine the type of Thanksgiving they do in Heaven. I am sure for Brandon...EVERYDAY is Thanksgiving and Praising!

And to that...I give all of my THANKS to God for making Eternity possible and a reality! Thank you Jesus!

*hopefully more pictures will follow soon

Uuuuugh (can you just also see my body slump on that)

2008-11-20T09:42:00.004-05:00

Today is just one of those days. However, I will stive to continue to find my JOY ~ which is of the Lord, and is my strength. And I really don't want to miss out on the JOY of my family by staying in this pit. I just feel sad at this moment. But I will end with a scripture, cause I know that it is so important to keep the word of God in my heart, on my lips, and in front of my eyes!!!

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

:-(

2008-11-09T21:42:00.002-05:00

Jordan left yesterday to go back to Washington.....SUCH an emotional day already, and then to add....I sat and watched the pilot of his plane get on and off, squat down and point and look up. Then several more people gathered and did the same thing...So YEAH....Not feeling good watching this!!! After much of that and then "maintenance", they left and hour and 15 mins late, which then meant that he did not make his connection. I actually found out that he would not make his connection before I left the airport. At that point is when my "mini breakdown" started (ya know had to wait until I got to the car to have the full on melt down, as I did not want to have airport security think there is a really crazy person there). So pretty much the whole drive home I was a crying, snotting mess on the phone with Steve, my sister-in-law Kelly, and my sister Susan.

And yes...Jordan did NOT make his connection in Charlotte, but US Airways put him up in a hotel overnight, as the next flight out for Seattle was not until 6:00pm today. And actually, he had a good day today. He went on a little site seeing opportunity in downtown Charlotte, and got to enjoy the sunny warm weather. Which I know is a blessing, because Seattle is now wet, and dreary. And right now as I am typing this I am able to track his flight with this really cool website, that allows you to see how fast, how high, and how much time he has left. And at this moment, he is somewhere over Nebraska. So why in all my emotional chaos, did I forget that no matter what, God IS in control. He knows what he is doing, and I can look at this as a nice little blessing of great weather for Jordan today. Why is it so easy in an emotional time to forget to try and keep looking that God has still got it all under control??? This is as you see, something I struggle with, but I AM a work in progress.

And in all of that back and forth with my emotions, I am reminded that I need to continue to work hard at not being that way, and to find the JOY in the areas that God has for me in everyday life. I am JOYFUL for my family (Steve, ^i^Brandon^i^, Jordan, & Seth), JOYFUL for a the visit with Jordan, JOYFUL for my SAVIOUR, JOYFUL for eternity, and that we will get to see and be with Brandon again (I can just hear him saying...."yep, that is my crying, crazy mom"), and yes even JOYFUL for my emotions!!!

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. ~ Psalm 16:11

More Photo's

2008-11-03T21:27:00.002-05:00

A Very FUN Week

2008-11-03T21:05:00.002-05:00

Jordan has been here for a SURPRISE visit from Washington, and here are some of my favorite photo's from a very busy and fun week!!!

Enjoy!

Exciting Stuff

2008-10-26T12:44:00.002-04:00

Got a week full of exciting events.....this is Homecoming week at Seth's High School....so there is all kinds of fun just waiting for this freshman! Bonfires, parades, football, powderpuff football (which is absolutely hilarious). So yeah....a busy week. But it is all good. Hoping to get some great visits in there as well with the people I love...I am sure I will!!!

To hear a great song that has really been ministering to me, check out Brandon's site (www.caringbridge.org/de/brandonhastings). I hope it touches your heart and you just let God LOVE ON YOU!

On another note.....STILL PRAYING about something specific from the Lord. And I have to admit....getting in patient (even though I know I am not supposed to and that God's plan, purpose, and timing is the best). So that can be a little tough for me.

Ending with a scripture that is also touching me....
Stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58

Pleeeeeease

2008-10-14T20:20:00.002-04:00

If you stop by, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE for you to say hello and post a little message. And I promise I will visit your little piece of the world. I am sure that it is BEAUTIFUL!!!

What a wildly wonderful world, God! You made it all, with Wisdom at your side, made earth overflow with your wonderful creations.
Psalm 104:24 (The Message)

So Much

2008-10-13T20:16:00.002-04:00

Wow! It has been a really loooong time since I updated. So much has happened and gone on. Jordan is making out well all the way out on the west coast in WASHINGTON. I miss him so much, but we text or talk a lot. So that helps. REALLY wish I could text Brandon in Heaven (smile). Seth is also doing well in his freshman year of High School. However, during the first minute of the first time he got to play in his JV Soccer game, he had a hard hit from the goalie, and broke his arm!!! It was quite a bad break. He has been in a full arm cast for 4 weeks now, which means no soccer AND he can not play the drums in band. Hopefully on Friday (17th) he will be moved to a half cast, which will mean he can play soccer again (with a custom foam sleeve) and also go back to playing the drums. YAAAY!!!

Last weekend we had a nice visit from my sister-in-law Shawn and her family. They were here from Washington, so my Jordan was out there totally on his own. He actually lives about an hour north from Shawn, but it does this mom's heart good to know that family is out there for him. He also gets along well with his roommate Todd (who is from Florida). So that is all good.

Let's see what else.....busy (that's nothing new), still praying and waiting on a certain something that God had Steve and I praying for. Now just trying to figure out if I heard part of it correctly, even though I have already gotten several "words" on this, and confirmations. But as we know....our time is not God's. But it is really hard to try and NOT TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT! Ya know what I mean???

I know that there is soooooo much that I have left out (that's what I get for waiting so long between updates), but in general just trying to keep pressing on, keep seeking Jesus and Joy, Celebrating and LOVING ALL AREAS of my life!

Happy Fall Y'all!!!

Ending with this scripture that is really touching my heart right now...
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy
Job 8:21

Love this scripture!!!

2008-08-26T13:12:00.001-04:00

This sure is wonderful to know........and I Know God is true to what he says!!! Love you God & THANK YOU!!!

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
--Psalm 34:18

Cha cha cha CHANGES!!!

2008-08-22T09:09:00.002-04:00

Wow......an emotional month for this emotional girl! We had a fun "Celebrate Brandon Day" on 8/3. We celebrated his life by doing fun things and being together. Every time, God is so good and always has something special for us. I like to think of it as a "Hug from him ~ to say it's all good Dawn". We went camping the following weekend which was so much fun but also the starts of my emotions getting "revved" up. This would be Jordan's last time camping with us before leaving for college ~ all the way in Washington State!!! But it was a great weekend.

On Wednesday the 20th we took Jordan to the airport to start his next new adventure in Renton Washington. I am so excited that he did this and I know he is right where God wants him to be. BUUUUUT the mom in me, well let's just say that as we watched the flight take off ~ hysteria set in. Yeah I was a sobbing crying mess. But even in an anxious day, God put such a special person in our path. We had already done online check in, checked his baggage curbside, and were just waiting in the terminal by the United desk for Steve to come in after parking the car. This gentleman (really wish I had his name) was standing there controlling the line, and I can't quite remember how it all came about, but he got us 3 Security Gate Passes so we could actually go to the gate with Jordan! From everyone I have told this too....says that is just really unheard of. So THANK YOU God for putting this man into our paths and helping a hurting mom's hurt feel better!

Jordan made out great on his flight, and had quite a busy first day with getting his apartment signed for, new bank account opened, change of address, going over to the school briefly and checking out the town a little. I am so thankful for my sister and brother in law ~ Shawn and Mac for all of their help. It sure does add peace to my heart.

Now onto the next emotional thing........my baby (Seth) started HIGH SCHOOL the very next day! So at this point for those of you who don't know me, you can tell I am a big emotional crybaby who definitely wears her heart on her sleeve. But you know, even for the crying, the emotions, whether the are happy or sad ~ I STILL PRAISE GOD for them. And for HIS STRENGTH. I PRAISE HIM FOR GIVING ME THE PRIVILEGE AND HONOR TO BE THE MOM AND WIFE OF THIS FAMILY!

I hope I have made Steve, Brandon, Jordan, & Seth proud and the know with every fiber in their being how much they are loved by me. Even in the times that I know I annoy them with my constant picture taking of all events! (SMILE)

Have a WONDERFUL weekend, and let God just love on you and show you how special you are to him!

*hopefully photo's coming up soon

Surfing!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-15T08:49:00.006-04:00

Loved this quote I saw on another blog today. Karen from Washington State, visit her blog, she is approaching one of "those dates", and would sure appreciate your visit and encouragement. karengberger.blogspot.com ~ still not really good at doing the "link" thing. Sorry

We can't stop the waves, but we can learn to SURF ~ Jospeh Goldstein

This reminds me so much of the my emotions lately. I really need to learn to surf ALOT better. This also reminds me of my special "middle son" Jordan. He loves to surf, whether it be on the water or on the sidewalk. He is getting ready to start his next new adventure with a move to Renton, Washington. Did I tell you how emotional all of this is to me!!!!! The 4th Celebration of when Brandon went to his "REAL HOME ~ Heaven", Jordan moving, and my baby Seth starting High School!!! I was a crying mess this morning dropping Seth off to High School Soccer practice, and thinking "this time next week, Jordan will be in Washington"! BUT..........it is all good stuff. I know that God's plans and purpose are so much bigger than I can imagine, and yeah God.........I am ready to learn to surf with EXPERTISE!!! I LOVE YOU GOD & I LOVE the family you gave me!!!

Have a great weekend to everyone. We will be celebrating this next new adventure in Jordan's life, and his 20th Birthday ~ he will actually be in Washington for his birthday on August 27th. So we are gonna have some fun this weekend!

My cup is truley overflowing (happiness, gratefulness, God's love, and yes....tears)

Squash & 4 Years!!!

2008-08-02T23:14:00.000-04:00

The following is what I posted on Brandon's site (www.caringbridge.org/de/brandonhastings)today. August 3rd, marks 4 years ago that he left this place and went home with Jesus ~ his REAL HOME ~ A place that I am so glad that God made possible, and that I eagerly await my day! We are going to Celebrate Brandon's life on 8/3 by doing fun things. He was ALL about FUN. I encourage you all to do some FUN for yourselves too.....and let God have some FUN with you in your day too!

4 Years. Sometimes there is nothing more than I can think, than just that. 4 years of missing Brandon so much, and 4 years of thinking about how much of Jordan & Seth's life have gone by without him here in it. Seth used to always ask if I thought God let Brandon see us on special times. I don't know, but I would really like to think so. He would be so proud of Jordan for his upcoming move to Washington State to finish his college. And Seth is starting High School, I can just hear Brandon say...."Hey Cool Guy". Although he might give Seth a little hard time and try to scare him with tales of the "Freshman Beat Down", like he did Jordan (Smile).

And to be honest, I have really been struggling lately.......the 4 years, Jordan moving so far away, even though I am so VERY PROUD and HAPPY for him! Seth starting High School is also emotional for me. So yeah...you can only imagine what Steve has had to deal with. (I am not so sure he would SMILE)???

However, earlier today I was out in my garden picking squash. I was pretty certain I had gotten all that needed to be picked, so I went to the other side of my garden to take a look at that side. While over there I noticed a squash that most definitely could not wait to be picked, and at that moment God spoke to my heart about "PERSPECTIVE". How when I was so close to the plant, and was so sure I had gotten it all, my PERSPECTIVE changed when I changed positions. Kind of like how life and God is. Just like God, his love, his faithfulness and his perfect plan are always there, we are the ones who move ~ therefore changing our PERSPECTIVE. Are you still with me??? And no I am not totally crazy about my squash!!! But it was yet another way of God speaking to my heart in the "little things" to show me how much he really is in the "BIG THINGS". He knows my pain, he knows my heartache, but he is still there, and still always has something that will reach out and show me something from him. Even if it is a squash plant!

So here we are 4 years later, still living, and also having fun, looking forward to "new seasons" and new adventures. Still seeing and seeking God in all things, letting him continue to heal our hearts, all while we are missing Brandon so much. And while our PERSPECTIVES have changed and Brandon's has as well (can you imagine!!!), God is still the same, and I PRAISE him for that (even with a broken heart). Thank you all for still checking on us, still praying for us, and most definitely STILL talking about Brandon to us. You make our hearts happy & WE LOVE YOU!!!

Love,
Steve, Dawn, ^i^Brandon^i^, Jordan, & Seth

Let's DRINK!!!

2008-07-15T13:22:00.002-04:00

But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.
--John 4:14

This touched my heart this morning........God has really been using water, and rivers in our lives A LOT here lately. Whether it be in what we see in this natural world, or what he has for us behind this "veil" in his SUPERNATURAL. Sometimes I like to lazily float along, and other times I love the fast flowing rush. But God is ALWAYS present in both. I am so glad that he is. And in fact, he NEVER LETS GO, even when those waters become scary.

Thank you God for my family, and for giving me the privilege to be in this place at this time. I LOVE YOU GOD!!!

WHOO HOO!!!

2008-06-27T10:42:00.002-04:00

Yaaaay! It's SUMMER and it's HOT!!! I love it, this is my favorite time of the year! I love being outside, seeing the beautiful sunsets, hearing the birds chirping, seeing the lightning bugs, and just letting God "wash over me" with the beauty of what he created!

He is also soooo FAITHFUL during this time. This is the season that Brandon was re-admitted for the last time 4 years ago. At first is was another gouge in my heart that during my most favorite time of the year, I would also be experiencing the worst time of my life. But you know, God has been able to restore that favorite season again. That's not to say I don't have my moments....but I know they are not as often and as constant as 4 years ago. Today I can see that the beauty for ashes he has given me now, was also present 4 years ago when we were walking the start of this journey. God is just so good like that. He knows my heart so well, and loves me so much that he is willing to give me "something" at the moment I need it. What a great DADDY we all have!!!

On another note.......Steve and I have been intently praying and preparing for something that God has placed on our hearts. I would ask for your prayers with this as well (I will reveal more, when the time is right). For those of you reading my thoughts, PLEASE PLEASE send me a message........I would LOVE to visit your "world" as well.

Ending with a scripture:
But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
the One who got you started, Israel: "Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end— Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.
Isiah 43:1
(How COOL is that, that he would trade creation for US)

Typed myself into a BETTER mood! ~ Thank you Jesus!!!

2008-06-16T15:50:00.003-04:00

This "pit" just seems to be harder than other times to get out of. That's not to say, that everyday all day I am in it. It just seems that I am either "in it", or very close to the "edge". I know the whole head heart thing, and God is still ALWAYS FAITHFUL, and I just love the times that he shows up unexpectedly. Because those times that grief shows up unexpectedly sure does take all of the air out of my lungs, and sometimes the life out of my heart. But you know....I see how important it is that the JOY of the Lord is our STRENGTH. Cause it just seems that satan is always trying to rob us of our joy...therefore our strength.

I really have to PURPOSE to not let that happen A LOT of times. But I do have so much to be JOYFUL about....and just even blogging this, it has lifted my heart. So let me just list a quick list of my JOYS..

Eternity ~ Thank you so much for that Jesus~
My Family ~ Steve, Brandon, Jordan & Seth
My other family members ~ ALL of you!!!
My Friends ~ The ones in the flesh, the ones I have never met (especially those with a journey like mine)
My Church
Music
The sun
The moon ~ especially a full one
SUMMER
Being outside
My pool
all of those above things, would be impossible to enjoy without the VERY hard work that my wonderful husband Steve does. I am so appreciative that I get to be a stay at home mom, and work for my brother.

Well, now that I am now some "steps" away from that pit....I am going to go enjoy some of those things....and maybe something "sweet to eat" too!!!
You all go and ENJOY too!!!

Been gone ~ but here!

2008-05-21T21:54:00.002-04:00

I have been in quite a "funk" these last two weeks, but I am now on the hike back UP "that hill". I suppose these times will always come and go. Brandon's birthday is Monday. He would be 23!!! We are going camping for the weekend and to also CELEBRATE his birthday that way. I know he would have loved camping, but I also know he LOVES Heaven. Just really wish God would just give me that BIG picture. But because he knows me so well....he does what he does, cause I'd always want MORE.

Actually during this "funk" we have been quite busy as well. There have been Bud & Bug Festival, planting flowers outside (which I love), opening the pool (yaay ~ ready for that if it ever warms up), baseball games, band concerts, projects for school, prom, and now Jordan's girlfriend Jessi graduates tomorrow night! So it would seem that it should have been impossible to be in a funk with all of this fun stuff going on, but yeah it was there. But God in his never ending FAITHFULNESS is always right there, giving me just what I need, when I need it.

Well...laundry is calling. Have a great weekend, maybe I will actually post photo's next time!

God Just Knows

2008-05-08T23:46:00.002-04:00

I posted the following on Brandon's caringbridge site yesterday, and am keeping it FRESH today!!!

don't think that I will ever just "get it" by always being amazed at God's FAITHFULNESS. It will just never get old, and I am so THANKFUL for that.

God showed up this morning in just the most perfect way, that my hurting heart has been needing. I just love that about him, he knows me so much that he knows just what thing I will need. And the fact that he actually knew what I would need today...........before I was even born. How GREAT is that.

Also, today I heard this wonderful statement on a morning Christian show that I watch/listen to while getting ready in the morning....

~ Your FAITH does not prevent life, it carries you through life.

That just made such an impact on my heart and in my mind. God is just so good at giving me the "stuff" to move forward, whether it be by that next step, next breath, next hard time, or even next adventure.

He is just that BIG and always there!!!

Hmmmm

2008-05-01T18:37:00.003-04:00

Today I feel like that "HILL" is really big. However I Know that God is bigger. This season starts all of the memories leading up to transplant 4 years ago. The laughing, and excitement we felt as Brandon & I drove up to the hospital on 4/29, to start getting his body ready for the transplant on 5/12. I have said before on Brandon's caringbridge site, that all of those emotions and thoughts still feel just like yesterday. I wonder if that changes? And sometimes the thought of that change scares me. Again, with me it's always the head heart thing. I know in my head that Brandon is living life far better than here...I mean REALLY living the life that I believe God initially intended. But my heart hurts, and I am really missing him. And at the same time I am so thankful that this is not it, and trying to not miss out on the life that God has called for me here.

Still climbing, and still VERY much THANKFUL for God's LOVE & FAITHFULNESS!

Also, I am remembering this interview quote Brandon said 6/10/2004, in our local paper the Milford Beacon.

~ "You can't whine over things," he said, "because you can lose everything in a manner of seconds. So feeling sorry for yourself just wastes time. You may have some bad times, but you'll have some good, and it will all get better in the end.
"If you let the bad run you over, you really miss out on a lot of good things."

REALLY need this right now.

2008-04-27T18:45:00.001-04:00

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. James 1:5 NLT

First Post & Trying to Figure This Out!

2008-04-25T15:59:00.000-04:00

Well, this is my attempt at entering "BLOGLAND". I LOVE reading other people's blogs as well as "journaling" myself. So this is a FIRST try! Any suggestions, advice, and HELP...please feel free!