Getting Emotional

Getting so emotional with:

1.  Summer closing (way to FAST)
2.  Seth getting ready for his freshman year at the University of Delaware (REALLY FAST)
3.  Jordan getting ready to head back to California (this past year with him home...again TOO FAST)
4.  8 years ago today last day I heard Brandon's voice when he said..."I LOVE you, I'll see you in a little bit"
5.  August 3rd...8 FULL years of him being GONE! (FASTER & SLOWER than I can even comprehend)

Good things:
1.  Seth gettting ready for freshman year at UofD ~ So PROUD of him, exicted for his next new chapter!
2.  Jordan getting ready to head back to California ~ So PROUD of him, excited for his next adventure!
3.  Jedidiah getting ready to start 1st grade ~ SO PROUD of all that he has accomplished!

4.  Desi is 4 ~ a very sweet, but also sassy DAUGHTER who loves to sing and dance!
5.  August 3rd ~ Celebrate Brandon Day ~ 8 FULL years of him being HEALED & living with JESUS!!!
6.  August 13th ~ Seth's Eagle Scout Ceremony ~ VERY PROUD of this accomplishment
7.  August 15th ~ 1 FULL (and I do mean FULL) year of completed adoption of Jedidiah & Desi!!!
8.  August 19th ~ 3 FULL years (again...FULL) that Jedidiah & Desi first walked into our/their home!!!


Wow ~ I am a wreck good/sad, but GOD is ALWAYS FAITHFUL.  Sometimes I just have to really press hard to get my heart to KNOW IT & FEEL IT!!!  But even still...God is always the same, and that helps me through the tears of joy or sadness.

7 years

Sometimes I can hardly believe that it is possible that 7 full years have passed since Brandon went HOME to wait for us...and surely he will have so much to show us when it is our day. There are many days that I can barely wait for that moment...the moment I get to wrap my arms around my sweet son, kiss him until he says..."okay mom" and see that beautiful smile that his brothers also share.

Even in my hard days I am so so soooo overjoyed and thankful and full of PRAISE that because of Jesus, our future with Brandon is longer than our past! I don't know if I will ever find all of the words that fill my heart with trying to explain the knowing of what my Saviour did for me & all of my family. First that I was even TRUSTED with the awesome job of being the mother of such wonderful Godly sons...Brandon, Jordan, Seth, & soon to be Jedidiah...and let us not forget the PRINCESS...Desi! Wow...God just loves me so much & that is so cool with me!

But that God also trusted me with this hard journey...I can't say that I like it or would have ever signed up for it....but if the only way that I could have ever been a part of Brandon's life was to knowingly sign up for this journey...I know I would have pushed people away to say ..."YES God...choose me"!

Our family is abundantly BLESSED....and I continue to push forward, press in, and BREATHE THE FAITHFULNESS OF GOD!!! With the excitement and anticipation of....ONE DAY!

So as we CELEBRATE BRANDON today...I will always encourage you...to smile, have fun, and seek the lover of your soul...JESUS!

It sure would be cool to see ya all there in Heaven with us! :-)

Blessings & Love
The Hastings
Steve, Dawn, Brandon, Jordan, Seth, Jedidiah, & Desi

Deep Breath ~ trying to breathe!

I have so many good things to post and I am so truly thankful for...but today...well, that is just not what is swirling around fully in my mind. I definitely know that I am to bring ALL thoughts captive unto God...and boy am I trying, just wish it was easier for those emotions of my heart to get there when things are hard.

Yes I know that I can look back and see that in some hard times, it has been easy for me to change the emotions of my heart. But today is not one of those days. I promise a change though...just like I know the sun will rise in the east...God WILL show me the path, give me hope & courage...and I KNOW that he See's me...and then I can take a deep breath, exhale...and continue on.....
The Message (MSG)

Psalm 34:18 ~ The Message
If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath

STILL Walking By Faith

Yep, still walking this journey of faith, grief, missing, loving, wishing, accepting, and always coming back to FAITH. This journey can be quite exhausting at times and then at other times...smooth sailing. Never did I ever think that was possible...(but then again...God created ME and created ME to be the mom to the children he gave me, and the husband I choose). I guess when those calm waters are flowing, it makes those trigger blind side moments sometimes hard to breathe through. But breathe, cry, gasp, and sob I do. And eventually after that rough ride....the calm waters return.

God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction
Psalm 23:1-3 ~ The Message

I absolutely know that the rest of my earthly life, it will be this way. How can it not? How would one just "move on" from this tear in the fabric of their life and family and NOT have it affect them? I mean sure...the fabric can be mended and stitched back together...but the evidence of the tear is always there. That is when I can also be thankful for these emotions that can be so up and down. God created them, and they serve a great purpose in our lives. Even when those emotions do not feel good, or make you feel like you just can't breathe. But this same heart and soul that has those hard emotions, also has wonderful happy FAITH FILLED emotions. Just the kind that I KNOW Brandon has everyday of his new life.

So while he is COMPLETELY there...I still walk towards that direction. And although there may be days that I am very close...I know that I won't truly be THERE until I get to my ETERNAL HOME with my SAVIOUR who made it all possible. The journey, the healing, the promise, and his LOVE! So I'll just keep walking, or swimming, or climbing...but always moving towards that direction! :-)

Thank you so much for creating, knowing and LOVING me God!
Love,
Dawn

Summer Weekend

Friday, was just one of those favorite July days of mine....very warm and humid. My only thing with humid days (cause I won't complain) is my hair......becomes VERY curly and frizzy. But oh well....I will pay that price. (SMILE)

Friday night Steve and I had steamed shrimp and other goodies outside on the patio (I LOVE to eat outside), Seth was away as usual to his "other home" ~ friends....and Jordan and his friend Keith joined us for the yummy outside dinner. It was fun catching up with Keith, and the laughing and talking around the table is always fun.



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Saturday...my kind of day again..although the humidity had subsided some, it was a perfect reading on the deck by the pool afternoon. AND the water in pool was just right! Later that night Steve, Seth, and my self joined my in-laws for a LOOOOOOONG...but FUN Shorebirds Baseball Game. Of course the stadium food, and fireworks (YOU KNOW I LOVE MY FIREWORKS) at the end were the best thing about the night along with good company. Another FUN summer night

Church on Sunday = AWESOME, 2 parties and hanging out with a lot of people I LOVE, and long into the evening visits outside. Summer is where my heart is.

It always has been, and at one time I thought that would be gone forever. Summer is my most FAVORITE time of the year, but is also falls into the most difficult time of our lives. 5 years ago during this time, we were desperately begging, praying, clinging, and hoping for the earthly life of our precious Brandon. I always felt like it was another cruel injustice that I had to have my son pass away during what was such a favorite time of mine and our family. But each year gets better, and God has continued to show up and heal our hearts. And I can say now....my son got to transition from his earthly home, onto his ETERNAL HOME and look upon the face of his Saviour...during our favorite time. He is just waiting for us now. Don't get me wrong....I still have "those days", and really wish things were different. But God, family & friends have helped us on this road that we continue to travel. And I can also say....my LOVE of Summer has been returned, and I really like to think that when it is my day, and Brandon and Jesus are there to meet me, SUMMER will be a little piece of MY Heaven, but with GOOD HAIR DAYS! :-o
THANK YOU GOD!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

Psalm 34:18 ~ The Message
If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath

I wish I could see just a little....wouldn't that be NICE!!!

5 years ago today is the last time that I heard Brandon's precious voice....right before he was intubated for his "procedure"...he said..."I LOVE YOU MOM...I'll see you in a little bit", and then gave me a kiss.

Oh how I miss that voice, those kisses, the smiles, personality, and all that encompass Brandon. When my heart hurts like this, I wish God would let me see just a little glimpse into Heaven and see Brandon...but he knows me so well, that just one glimpse would never be enough. I will always want more.

Today is a one of those days of forcing myself to keep the ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE in front of my eyes and heart and keeping it from being clouded from this temporary perspective. Sometimes that is just so tiring...and other times...well, it's do-able. Just needed to "release" for a moment.

But I still PRAISE my God.....he is ever FAITHFUL.
He turned the sea into dry land; they went through the flood on foot; there did we rejoice in him ~ Psalm 66:6..........I PURPOSE TO REJOICE!