Thursday, April 29, 2010
Yep, still walking this journey of faith, grief, missing, loving, wishing, accepting, and always coming back to FAITH. This journey can be quite exhausting at times and then at other times...smooth sailing. Never did I ever think that was possible...(but then again...God created ME and created ME to be the mom to the children he gave me, and the husband I choose). I guess when those calm waters are flowing, it makes those trigger blind side moments sometimes hard to breathe through. But breathe, cry, gasp, and sob I do. And eventually after that rough ride....the calm waters return.
God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction
Psalm 23:1-3 ~ The Message
I absolutely know that the rest of my earthly life, it will be this way. How can it not? How would one just "move on" from this tear in the fabric of their life and family and NOT have it affect them? I mean sure...the fabric can be mended and stitched back together...but the evidence of the tear is always there. That is when I can also be thankful for these emotions that can be so up and down. God created them, and they serve a great purpose in our lives. Even when those emotions do not feel good, or make you feel like you just can't breathe. But this same heart and soul that has those hard emotions, also has wonderful happy FAITH FILLED emotions. Just the kind that I KNOW Brandon has everyday of his new life.
So while he is COMPLETELY there...I still walk towards that direction. And although there may be days that I am very close...I know that I won't truly be THERE until I get to my ETERNAL HOME with my SAVIOUR who made it all possible. The journey, the healing, the promise, and his LOVE! So I'll just keep walking, or swimming, or climbing...but always moving towards that direction! :-)
Thank you so much for creating, knowing and LOVING me God!