Thursday, September 18, 2014

Jedidiah is 9!!!!

This morning while we were getting ready for school, JD asked about the game called “Life” I explained it to him and then said….” it can be hard”. 

Right at the moment I thought about the parallel between the game and the REALITY of Life….and I thought to myself “yes it sure can be hard”.  Obviously I thought of the many ups and downs of my life, and the hardest moment of all…8/3/04 when Brandon went from this earthly life to his heavenly life, but I also thought about JD & Desi’s life…how their beginning was so very hard.

And yet in all of that….GOD HAD A PLAN!

It amazes me of what I couldn’t see then, but has and continues to unfold now.  How God was healing my heart in that first year after Brandon died, and at same time he was working his plans for hope and a future for my other son that was to be born 13 months later.   Even in my suffocating darkness God was with me and yet he was also walking this sweet little boy through a very rough start in life.  Most of the time I know without fail that God is always so faithful…sometimes if can be a battle getting it from my head to my heart.  But today, JD turning 9 is another reminder of how much he loves me and my children and how faithful he has always been to give Brandon, Jordan, Seth, Jedidiah & Desi a hope and a future!!!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
Happy Birthday my sweet 9 year old!  WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

3,650 days

5,256,000 hours
10 years

Since I heard your voice telling me I LOVE YOU, I WILL SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.  At times, it still feels like yesterday when you were telling me that and holding my hand as you were drifting off to sleep for another "procedure".  Sometimes those many days, hours, and years can feel so suffocating.  It can be so hard for my earthly mind to comprehend heavenly "stuff".  But GOD!!! 

He is still faithful to make all things work together for my good, and those suffocating moments do pass quickly at times.  And those times they don't....well God gets me through it.  Even in all this missing you, wondering what you would look like and what you would be doing....there has been A LOT of good stuff A LOT of living, and A LOT of LOVING!!!

For right now, I will keep counting time (God made me that way), keep living, keep loving, keep hoping, keep believing
and keep HAVING FAITH!

I love and miss you my sweet silly 1st born son!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Long time

Long time.....HARD DAY!
Working to get back to that place of peace in this moment.