That pretty much sums up the feelings that go on in this life of mine. Although it is a life I LOVE so much......there are the obvious that I would change.....BRANDON HERE instead of waiting for us in Heaven, more consistency in my life, more discipline with my precious time with God (I LOVE him so much for his Patience with me), and to ALWAYS keep that ETERNAL VIEW!
But even with all that said...I still have no real regrets. There are many people I can thank for that. First my Sweet husband Steve....I thank him that I have never had to work full time. That we were always in agreement with me being home with the kids. And all of those memories of them are so priceless. Especially in the here and now. 100 years would have never been enough with Brandon here on this earth, but the times we did have are irreplaceable! And being with Jordan and Seth still is so special to me. Even though they are at an age where they don't "need" me so much, but I'd like to think that they "want" me there (smile). And my mom for teaching me just how to LOVE my children, my sister for being my BEST friend, and my brother for letting me work for him but still be "bossy" with him (laugh), and all of my family and friends for always being there for me!
Emotions are so funny and perplexing....I have been in a struggle in the past few days. A little bit like one of the lyrics in that first song on my playlist that I can DEFINITELY relate to at times........"I have no fear of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work". I have been missing Brandon, missing Jordan, and missing the "young" Seth. Missing all 3 of their baby times. Realizing that unless it is a vacation or summer break...Jordan will no longer really live full time with us. That can make me cry, even though I am so proud of him and know that this is a normal step. But still, it makes my heart sad.
And then there is today.....I am full of anticipation. Excitement for what is to come in my life. SUPER EXCITED that on the 18th we will be picking up Jordan from the airport and then head to Disney. I so can't wait to HUG & BUG him (smile)! Eager anticipation on what God has in store for me individually, for me and Steve together, and for his plans and purposes in my children's lives. I am so glad that God is LARGE and IN CHARGE......that he gave me my family, that he knows me from the inside out, that he knows the end from the beginning, and that through it all......HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME!
I LOVE YOU GOD!