Sunday, December 20, 2009

My Baby's 16th Birthday!!!

This boy is 16!!!! Time just keeps flying by, no matter how many times we try to slow it down. But each season is to be treasured, and I know the Seth will definelty TREASURE his DRIVER'S LICENSE!!!

Happy Birthday my sweet youngest son! WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

Mom, Dad, ^I^Brandon^I^, Jordan...& the 2 new little ones!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Am I still doing this?

Still been "surfing this tide"...on and off. Some days are really fun, such as Homecoming, Hayrides, Apples with Carmel, Bonfires, Football games, visits from College, and all of the outdoor fall fun. And then there are those days, that it can be really hard to get "excited" about "surfing still".

Ah...but I keep pressing on towards the goal...I AM that work in progress, my life is, my marriage is, and the parent I am is. The two little ones continue to grow and thrive, and they definitely help with keeping us (me) moving. SMILE

Ending with a scripture:
...and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the god of my life. ~ Psalm 42:8

Beautiful ~ Makes me think of Brandon


Friends since babies!


A Kiss from Momma of course!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Tide

These feelings that roll around are as predictable as the tides. I really need to learn to SURF through them!

I am MISSING BRANDON so very much. I was thinking the other day, that I would give most anything to change my life BACK to my old life(there are the obvious exceptions ~ Brandon NOT being sick,my Children/husband/family/friends/stability).

But I also realized that I would NEVER change what Brandon has much as I wish things were different, I could not rob him of his eternal home and what he has now...just for my selfish (deserved) heart. So that brings me to ENDURING.
ENDURING the missing
ENDURING the longing
ENDURING the heartache
ENDURINGG the breathlessness at times
ENDURING the crying, sometimes so hard I can't breathe
ENDURING the loss
ENDURING what "might have been".

But in all that ENDURANCE, I realize that God has helped me to PERSEVERE...something that Brandon did everyday despite his circumstances or the way he was feeling. You see for him...PERSEVERANCE and DETERMINATION was a daily decision, and he did it from 5 years old to 19. That's 14 years of 365 days of ENDURANCE ~ PERSEVERANCE ~ DETERMINATION. I have really only had to do it for 5 years. I see I will always have a lot to learn from Brandon, and to do as he did...ENDURE, PERSEVERE, and to be DETERMINED while living out....I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!
Thank you for the lessons Brandon, Thank you GOD for letting me be his mother, as well as Jordan & Seth's!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Where did September go???

What a busy month. Start of school...College, High School, Preschool, & Nursery School. From my 21 year old son, down to the new little 16 month old girlie. We've had football games, swim practices, drum line practices, Praise Band practices, appointments, BIRTHDAY PARTY for a special 4 YEAR OLD, 18th BIRTHDAY PARTY for my neice BROOKIE COOKIE, visits from my College son, Honor Roll Ceremony for Seth, and playing outside on the nice days while they last. WOW....can you see I'd really like to find that SUPER VITAMIN????

The adjustments have been going smoothly, we pretty much have a routine in place and it is working. However...a little "kink" in the routine when my back decided to go out! Never in my life have I had this happen, and never have I experienced something for so long a time that makes even the slightest of chores almost impossible. BUT, I have the most amazing helpful and wonderful husband! It made me appreciate him all over again. Seriously, single moms....don't know how they do it. And my mom was one for 7 years before she met my Stepfather...~YAAAY ERIC ~ THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING US A WONDERFUL STEPFATHER! So you single working mommas truly are SUPERWOMAN!!!

Well...that is just a brief update on our month. Busy, but good...God continues to heal our hearts, and we still get those little kisses and hugs from him, and I'd like to think from Brandon as well....definitely these two new little ones seemed to be "handpicked" by Brandon (SMILE).

~ Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near. Isaiah 55:6 NLT...the thing is....I found that the Lord is ALWAYS NEAR...he never leaves me!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

I know that I am on the road that God planned and purposed...but I am REALLY struggling emotionally and feeling like "am I doing this right"? I MISS BRANDON SO MUCH!!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Adjusting well

The little precious ones are adjusting are we. I was surprised though that different "waves of emotions" rush over me in missing Brandon so much. I am so glad that these little ones are here but I have been blindsided at times by how fresh that pain is again. I know though that these little ones were placed here purposely, and it is also a little funny to think that in so many ways....if Brandon could have said..."OK mom finally listened...can you give my family these 2 little ones that need them so much, and my family needs them too"....I can only imagine!

Thank you all for your continued prayers for them and for us!

Friday, August 28, 2009


Wow! What a busy month, starting with our "Celebrate Brandon Day", me away for 5 days at a Women's Conference....can I say AWESOME....God is sooooo good! AND now is the time I can finally share the next new thing God has for our family. This actually goes back to a dream & desire Brandon had for our family over 6 years ago. At the time, we just could not, then after he went HOME...I just couldn't imagine, but after God letting it being "put on hold" for a while, he started to bring it to us over the course of the last year and a half.

First little nudgings, and then finally the BIG NEON SIGN from God. Sooo Steve and I started to pray about it, talk to family about it, obviously talked to Jordan & Seth, and then decided as a family to "take the leap of FAITH"...whew...that is a lot to type.

But here it is......we now have 2 precious little ones living with us for a while. We have no idea how long, but we are taking this time to love them, nurture them, and fill them with the love of Jesus. They both will be ATMOSPHERE CHANGERS! We are also praying diligently for mom & dad to find the strength and ability to make their life better, and then be able to be the mommy & daddy that they are meant to be. I know you all will join in, in praying for this family (ours too) as well.

We are thanking God for this opportunity, and desire to hear..."Well done, my good and FAITHFUL servants".....we also have to smile to think that this is part of Brandon's dream...and perhaps he knew the 2 that would be sent into our home.

Steve, Dawn, ^i^Brandon^i^, Jordan, Seth, & those 2 little ones

...and in the night his song shall be with ME and my prayer unto the God of my life ~ Psalm 42:8

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Jordan's BIRTHDAY!!!

Today is Jordan's 21st Birthday! He was MY Birthday Gift all those years ago. WOW! How the time flies from when he was my sweet little blonde hair blue eyed baby. Now he is my sweet TALL blonde hair blue eyed MAN!

And this momma loves him soooooo much!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Trying to figure out some very important things

Praying for hear from God...know that I have, but really need to hear more...definitely do not want to steer my own ship...

a whole lot of mixed feelings are swirling.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Celebrate Brandon Day ~ 8/3/09

Psalm 31:24:
Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up.
Expect God to get here soon.

We had a beautiful warm sunny summer day in Washington DC (my FAVORITE city) to Celebrate and remember our precious son and brother ~ Brandon. I have to admit...during the ride over, I really had to press through and fight off why's and keep my mind from going to a place that it did not need to be. And since God knows me so well, and loves me so much...he continued to shower me with his peace and love (smile). The entire day was very fun, and it was also so fun to feel "connected" to so many strangers in such a small area. It makes me wonder what Heaven will be like. Like I said before, I think my small piece of Heaven will be warm...just like I like it. And just like God has done since we started "CELEBRATE BRANDON DAY", God always shows up with little "kisses" and "laughs". To show that he sees us, he cares, and Brandon is exceedingly abundantly OKAY! And one day...we all will be where he is!
"Till I See Jesus and Brandon Face To Face" ~ WHAT A DAY THAT WILL BE!!!

Monday, August 3, 2009

5 Years

Desperately seeking the face and presence of God. Really struggling right now, but I know that God is FAITHFUL, and that I don't ever want to let go, and I KNOW that he most definitely will NEVER LET GO! I know that God will show up in a very special way for our CELEBRATE BRANDON DAY. Looking forward to seeing what God has for us and our hearts :-)

Sometimes I just wish I could see and know more.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Sums it up

Just when I think..."I can breathe, I'm doing good"....I have a day, very much like TODAY. I MISS BRANDON SOOOOOOOOO MUCH! Yep....I am HOMESICK for HIM!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Summer Weekend

Friday, was just one of those favorite July days of mine....very warm and humid. My only thing with humid days (cause I won't complain) is my hair......becomes VERY curly and frizzy. But oh well....I will pay that price. (SMILE)

Friday night Steve and I had steamed shrimp and other goodies outside on the patio (I LOVE to eat outside), Seth was away as usual to his "other home" ~ friends....and Jordan and his friend Keith joined us for the yummy outside dinner. It was fun catching up with Keith, and the laughing and talking around the table is always fun.

. kind of day again..although the humidity had subsided some, it was a perfect reading on the deck by the pool afternoon. AND the water in pool was just right! Later that night Steve, Seth, and my self joined my in-laws for a LOOOOOOONG...but FUN Shorebirds Baseball Game. Of course the stadium food, and fireworks (YOU KNOW I LOVE MY FIREWORKS) at the end were the best thing about the night along with good company. Another FUN summer night

Church on Sunday = AWESOME, 2 parties and hanging out with a lot of people I LOVE, and long into the evening visits outside. Summer is where my heart is.

It always has been, and at one time I thought that would be gone forever. Summer is my most FAVORITE time of the year, but is also falls into the most difficult time of our lives. 5 years ago during this time, we were desperately begging, praying, clinging, and hoping for the earthly life of our precious Brandon. I always felt like it was another cruel injustice that I had to have my son pass away during what was such a favorite time of mine and our family. But each year gets better, and God has continued to show up and heal our hearts. And I can say son got to transition from his earthly home, onto his ETERNAL HOME and look upon the face of his Saviour...during our favorite time. He is just waiting for us now. Don't get me wrong....I still have "those days", and really wish things were different. But God, family & friends have helped us on this road that we continue to travel. And I can also LOVE of Summer has been returned, and I really like to think that when it is my day, and Brandon and Jesus are there to meet me, SUMMER will be a little piece of MY Heaven, but with GOOD HAIR DAYS! :-o

Psalm 34:18 ~ The Message
If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath