Changes & More Of The Same

The wrap up of summer ended with a fun camping trip to Chincoteague. It was so much fun spending time with family, seeing the wild ponies, eating roasted marshmallows, being outside...& just chillin!

Then it was the start of new seasons...Seth started his junior year in High School...yes I cried (I always do the first day)
Jordan left for California (cried too ~ but soooo happy for him), "helper boy" started Pre-K, and the "Princess" started with her toddler class.



As seasons change, it can be so hard for me to move into them. Both naturally, and the seasons of life. I am trying to enjoy each moment (thought I would have learned by now), and embrace the change. Expected and Unexpected. Trying to be STILL in the moment that God has me in. Trusting, pressing in, & like Brandon...NEVER GIVING UP. Sometimes I "get it"...most times, I don't. But non-the-less...I KNOW I am called to keep going, keep reaching for it, and always always always...Trusting and Loving the one who Loves me Most...after all...I am HIS FAVORITE! :-)

The Tide

These feelings that roll around are as predictable as the tides. I really need to learn to SURF through them!

I am MISSING BRANDON so very much. I was thinking the other day, that I would give most anything to change my life BACK to my old life(there are the obvious exceptions ~ Brandon NOT being sick,my Children/husband/family/friends/stability).

But I also realized that I would NEVER change what Brandon has now...as much as I wish things were different, I could not rob him of his eternal home and what he has now...just for my selfish (deserved) heart. So that brings me to ENDURING.
ENDURING the missing
ENDURING the longing
ENDURING the heartache
ENDURINGG the breathlessness at times
ENDURING the crying, sometimes so hard I can't breathe
ENDURING the loss
ENDURING what "might have been".

But in all that ENDURANCE, I realize that God has helped me to PERSEVERE...something that Brandon did everyday despite his circumstances or the way he was feeling. You see for him...PERSEVERANCE and DETERMINATION was a daily decision, and he did it from 5 years old to 19. That's 14 years of 365 days of ENDURANCE ~ PERSEVERANCE ~ DETERMINATION. I have really only had to do it for 5 years. I see I will always have a lot to learn from Brandon, and to do as he did...ENDURE, PERSEVERE, and to be DETERMINED while living out....I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!
Thank you for the lessons Brandon, Thank you GOD for letting me be his mother, as well as Jordan & Seth's!