A little less of that :-( and a LOT more of THIS

Been in a "funk" lately....although it comes and goes from day to day...much like the "tide" from a post back in 2009. I am striving to count my blessings, to be a blessing to those that I love (especially my sweet patient husband Steve), and my children...Jordan, Seth, & the Little's. I want more than to be in a perpetual state of confusion, irritation, and sadness. And I know without doubt that not only does my Saviour intend for that to be my life...but Brandon would probably say..."get it together mom". And you know...it SHOULD be that easy! Thought I would be catching on by now. So not to end on the gloomy note....I am thankful for:

* My Husband of 23 years (March 26th)...I LOVE YOU HONEY!
* That I have the privilege to be the mother of Brandon, Jordan, & Seth
* That God saw to it that I was not done being a mommy...hence the Little's
* My ENTIRE family
* Christian friends that help pick me up.
* Music that fills my soul and feeds it
* Of course God's word and his promises that THIS is not it!
* Other friends to share this journey...and yes I hurt for them, but we are a support system!


In closing...I found out why God had me go back to my Bible from 7 years ago...it was to draw me close to a sweet friend who was such a inspiration to me for many years with the ups and downs with Brandon. Especially the summer of 2004. God knew then, that we would need each other now! I am asking all of you that "check on me"...to lift of this precious family from Texas.. The LOWES...their beautiful daughter Kyndall went home to be with her saviour on January 11th. I sure hope she and Brandon have had the chance to meet! The thought of that makes me smile...even on the hard days!

Passage Psalm 30:5: ~ The Message
The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.

Stretching...................

So yeah, God has me stretching in area's that I wasn't quite prepared for. One is a little area that I had put away out of reach almost 7 years ago. That is my Bible. Yes I have used other's in these last 7 years....Brandon's mostly, but I sent that along for the ride to California with Jordan (how cool is that to think about), my "Serendipity Bible" that was a gift from my mom years ago, Steve's Bible, one of Brandon's other Bible's (the teenager's edition), and yes I even looked at purchasing a new one. BUT GOD....he always has these other plans...funny, he never thinks to ask me ahead of time (smile ~ sometimes). Anyway, since December I have been hearing the word "BALANCE" from him. So I have been striving to achieve that. And just when I thought I was making the slightest of progress....I heard him tell me to go back to MY BIBLE. It would seem that it would be no big deal, but in my heart it has been. You see this is a book so worn, and even torn with years of searching, seeking & believing. There are prayers written on those pages, dates of those prayers, and some dates of answered prayers. Inside there are drawings by Brandon, Jordan & Seth through the years...notes from them, from Steve and from other sweet people. There are questions to God on how I was to pray for Brandon, proclamations made by me of what I would pray over my family. Standing on promises and then there comes the words, thoughts, and desperate prayers during the summer months of 2004. And then when August 3, 2004 happened...I could not pick that Bible up again. I shoved it on a shelf...never to open again. Until now....

When I took that big breath, and opened it up I saw those same things (a time capsule), but God is also showing me that although my perspective was different then...he did in fact answer all my prayers, see all my notes, and is still working to the good of me...because I love him. I do not yet know why he has chosen "now" as the time for me to go back to using this Bible...but because he is faithful, and I TRUST...I know that it is for my utmost best. And I am fine with that.

Supernatural Release PLEASE :-)

So yeah...praying for some very SPECIFIC things, and some SUPERNATURAL RELEASE on things....so many that make my head swirl (and not like the ice cream, although that would be good). But I am hanging on that in the middle of this swirl...I can be comfortable...that GOD has got it all. He knows the end from the beginning...he has given me the authority to pull that end into the NOW..(thanks Laurie).

But in that swirl...I can also be soooo impatient (sure none of you have that problem). That is yet again, another area to give to God, let him still my soul & calm my thoughts....and just rest in his arms. Yeah...that's where I want to be!

You are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household ~ Ephesians 2:19

So that means if I am a member of God's household...he is my daddy....what he has, I have access to right! Yes & Amen to THAT!